The Green Room - Re: Excellent blog--something to keep in mind

Reply #10 - Feb 23^rd, 2010 at 4:19am

The Kaylee and the Ivy Offline
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FRANta Claus wrote on Feb 22^nd, 2010 at 1:00pm:

I know I'm not fat--but I can't complain about how I'm frustrated that I can't carve out time every day to exercise and lose the extra 20 pounds I've been carrying around for the last several years, and I can't rejoice that I can wear skirts I couldn't wear a year ago.� Because the world is unfair and condemns anyone who is different from what we think they should be.� Skinny girl wanting to be bigger?� OMG you're so skinny why would you want to gain weight?� Fat girl wanting to be smaller?� OMG you should be happy with how you look--fat power!� You can't win.� And I hate it.

I think that's all I meant by posting that blog.

Sorry if I offended.

You're right-- you really CAN'T win, and it's horribly frustrating.

It's worse trying to explain to someone (the world in general) that your self-esteem is a bit low not just from bad body image, it's knowing you are in bad health and that everyone else can see it too. It feels very... I don't know, voyeuristic? Maybe? It's a really weird feeling. I was never ever this aware of my body when I was a size 6, and now that I'm a size 18, it's a very weird experience.

It's just a really gross cycle, and while I am glad that people are talking about it, I think there are better reasons to discuss it than "HEY WHINING IS BORING". Grin

I apologize for being sharp, Franny. My mouth has grown proportionately to my ass. Wink

If we're going to die, let's die looking like a Peruvian folk band.

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Reply #11 - Feb 24^th, 2010 at 11:23am

Dexter the Halls Offline
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Whining is boring. I can handle hearing that. A room full of adults can handle hearing that.

Teens and children? Maybe not so much.

I do know what its like to be unhappy with weight and body image. I know what it's like to grow up in a home where parents whine about being fat, but still providing copious amounts of junk food.

I know what its like to assume that everyone is judging me by my weight. I know what it's like to be called fat, and be made fun of. I know what its like to never EVER feel comfortable my your own skin.

My happiest day was when I stopped complaining, or fishing for validation, or the, "you are not fat!" lie from friends. I still joke about being fat or out of shape, but it doesn't have the same, "woe is me, I hate myself" ring to it that makes the listener hate me so much.

I still try to get my ass to the gym, and I still eat as healthy as I can talk myself into. I was lucky enough to have my midlife crisis concerning body image early so that I can relax and enjoy aging, and with that... I'm a happier guy. (I still avoid buying clothes that fit, when I know I'm inches bigger than I should be.)

Anyway, I agree with all the points made in this thread, but I see where the blogger might be coming from.

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Reply #12 - Feb 24^th, 2010 at 12:36pm

Mister Grinch Offline
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Dexter the Halls wrote on Feb 24^th, 2010 at 11:23am:

Anyway, I agree with all the points made in this thread, but I see where the blogger might be coming from.

Reading it again, I agree, she has a point, she just has a crap way of expressing it. You can own a diamond and still be a harridan.

There's a fine line between her definition of Fat Talk and honest assessing of oneself, and it there I get lost and then get afraid I'm doing something bad. Sometimes I just need to talk about it to reevaluate. Maybe it's different for guys, gay or otherwise, than it is for girls. If so, then I'll disregard her rant and do as I like.

There is one thing you never put in a trap, if you're smart - if you value your continued existence - if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow there is one thing you never EVER put in a trap.� Me.

Listen, I don't know what sort of kids you've been flying around with in outer space, but you're not telling me to shut up!

As long as I don't bleed or cry, I'll do it!

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Reply #13 - Feb 24^th, 2010 at 5:37pm

Krumpson Offline
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Quote:

Whining is boring.� I can handle hearing that.� A room full of adults can handle hearing that.

Teens and children? Maybe not so much.

A request for clarification (I'm a bit slow on the uptake here):

Do you mean that a room full of adults can handle hearing people being boring and whining and that teens/kids can't, or that adults can handle hearing someone say that whining IS boring and teens/kids can't?� And what is the point about age difference that you are making?�

Thanks!

Approaching this differently... I'm thinking along the lines of "whining" and "boring" being subjective terms.� Whether or not someone is whining or just talking about things that are significant, confusing or painful to them, depends on the understanding and patience or the person listening.� �Whether or not what they say is boring depends on if the person listening is genuinely interested in what they have to say or not.

It seems like this blogger has lost all patience for other people, even though her experience could potentially give her a great amount of empathy.� The only person she can change is herself, so if she wants the whining and boring stuff to go away, she could try to become genuinely interested and understanding.�

If she thinks it's good advice to tell people to stop talking negatively about themselves she is not entirely correct*, but she's just repeating pop culture psychology and most people don't know anything beyond pop culture psych, so it's understandable.� Unfortunately, she puts it in an extremely negative, ultra-simplistic, demeaning and idealistic way that is entirely useless to anyone who is suffering enough to really need advice.

*

I could go on at length about the difference between negative talk and positive talk about negative things, but I won't bore you with my whining.

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Reply #14 - Mar 2^nd, 2010 at 4:13pm

Ashwgrl Offline
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FRANta Claus wrote on Feb 22^nd, 2010 at 12:18pm:

It's just a blog with some good points.� Honestly, people.� I've read her blog for at least a year and am coming from the context of previous knowledge.� SHE'S A FAT GIRL.� She's sick of hearing about it.

I'm sick of it, too.

Remind me to not post anything here. Wink

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
give the world the best you�ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Teresa

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Reply #15 - Mar 2^nd, 2010 at 4:22pm

The Kaylee and the Ivy Offline
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Ashwgrl wrote on Mar 2^nd, 2010 at 4:13pm:

FRANta Claus wrote on Feb 22^nd, 2010 at 12:18pm:

It's just a blog with some good points.� Honestly, people.� I've read her blog for at least a year and am coming from the context of previous knowledge.� SHE'S A FAT GIRL.� She's sick of hearing about it.

I'm sick of it, too.

Remind me to not post anything here. Wink

Is this thread dead yet? Good hell, y'all. Let it diiie.

If we're going to die, let's die looking like a Peruvian folk band.

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Reply #16 - Mar 4^th, 2010 at 11:47am

FRANta Claus Offline
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Closer to fine.
SO over it.

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The blogs I read have inundated me with ridiculous amounts of disgust at how stupid the media and the world are. I'm sick of all the plastic surgery and anorexia and weird diets. I'm tired of the world telling us that we'll never be good enough. I'm tired of fat and skinny and athletic and implants. I'm tired of the whole body image thing that is just getting collectively worse, and I worry that I'll raise children who will be steered into a cycle of self-loathing because of all of it.

PS: The blogger who is such a harridan is actually really awesome. The post that prompted such ire is atypical of her, and fueled by a lot of stupid comments on previous posts. Give the woman a break.

And now, DIE, THREAD, DIE!

You have no power over me!

Ye have not applied your hearts to understanding, therefore ye have not been wise.

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