BackStage Utah

The author of that blog has some good points, but she is using an extremely poor method of creating change.  Telling people to stop complaining and that what they are saying is boring isn't really the best way to change anyone's body-image issues.  Beating up and bitching about someone's actions isn't going to increases their self-esteem in other areas, nor is it going to inspire them to be more confident and find the strength to be comfortable in their own skin.

It comes across as self-righteousness and belittlement rather than than confidence and encouragement.  It's too bad that she hasn't learned to accept others as well as she accepts herself.

FRANta Claus wrote on Jan 14^th, 2010 at 11:05am:

Well, some people can't exactly do, Franny. The article very neatly leaves out the category of women who are in bad health for myriad reasons, not just because they're "fat". And some people genuinely quite hate themselves for it, especially each time they "buy bigger clothes". (I don't understand what that has to do with feeling better about yourself, frankly, with the social stigmas in place.)

I feel like it's always the skinny women that complain about this particular issue-- they're tired of hearing it, they're tired of women debasing themselves, they're bored, they're annoyed. Who knows, maybe it's because they have next to no idea how it actually feels to have once been very thin/in excellent shape/very confident and to be reduced to something so socially distasteful and unhealthy-feeling. Hey! Your fat existence bores me. Find something else to talk about, you ugly cow. Focus on something more important like I do-- I'm thin and I have time to, after all. I don't have to worry about the way I'm perceived, so you need to get over yourself.

Seriously?

Whoever wrote that article is a world-class bitch. I am all for positive body-image and for women accepting themselves as they are, but that kind of attitude is not even remotely the way to start. I am pretty aghast right now. I hope to God that woman doesn't have young women in her life that she applies that philosophy to-- telling someone they're boring definitely boosts the self-esteem of people who are already feeling disgusting enough in the first place. Brava.

I think that talking around kids about insecurities and health issues is a really interesting topic. The blogger didn't actually mention it, so I'm not sure why Fran brought it up, except that one of the people who commented did say they learned "fat talk" at their mother's knee, which is very sad.

Like most things, it's more complex than just talking or not talking about weight problems in front of kids.� I like that Spiker talks about it as "getting healthy" rather than losing weight.� �But it's also good to know that parents who try to look perfectly confident in front of their kids and hide their insecurities aren't always doing the kids the favor they think they are.� Kids can feel very alone when they think their parents are completely secure about everything in life. They can also feel intimidated into not wanting to talk about their own insecurities or imperfections.

It seems to me that the most healthy atmosphere to be raised in is one where you feel safe about talking openly about anything you want to talk about, including talking about feeling "fat".� �

And speaking of which ... for people who want to be able to have a safe place to talk about feeling fat or unhealthy or anything related both positive and negative as much as you want, please feel free to join our group over on Facebook: Elephants in the Room.� Swami, Persistent, MRC (LGA) and Spiker and a bunch of other fabulous familiar health-seekers are there such as Evil, Hirsute, SondheimNut, P.I.T., Rosie, Lilac Lady, etc. etc.� The only rule I have is that it's a support group, so we only talk encouragement and love and understanding there.� Health suggestions are always welcome, but there is no telling people that meat-eaters are "murderers" or that you know more about how to cure their health issues than their doctor does... and no selling of health products or diet aids to the group.

Send me a message on FB if you are interested in joining.

FRANta Claus wrote on Feb 22^nd, 2010 at 12:18pm:

Well, we didn't have the benefit of your previous knowledge, my friend.

It's just a bitchy, bitchy thing to say. Even objectively, it's a terrible blog entry. She's a fat girl who's sick of fat girls talking about being fat, so she gripes about fat girls.

You're not a fat girl, Fran. You're very slim and lovely. So it is a really dry pill to swallow to hear a girl who is well-built talk about how she's tired of fat girls complaining. Sincere serious congratulations on your excellent self-esteem-- I am not being remotely sarcastic-- but some of us aren't there yet, and the more people talk about how sick they are of people talking about their low self-esteem, the worse it gets.

Do you see what I'm saying here? Blog entries like that just perpetuate an ugly cycle, to me. I was not impressed and I continue to be unimpressed, and that's what I've got to say about it.

(Also-- don't get in a huff because there was controversy over something a bit controversial. It's just a blog entry that touched some nerves, and I think you would have known it would. If you didn't want to start a discussion about it, why did you post it, honey? No one's attacking you here. I just really hated the blog entry.)

I know I'm not fat--but I can't complain about how I'm frustrated that I can't carve out time every day to exercise and lose the extra 20 pounds I've been carrying around for the last several years, and I can't rejoice that I can wear skirts I couldn't wear a year ago.� Because the world is unfair and condemns anyone who is different from what we think they should be.� Skinny girl wanting to be bigger?� OMG you're so skinny why would you want to gain weight?� Fat girl wanting to be smaller?� OMG you should be happy with how you look--fat power!  You can't win.� And I hate it.

I think that's all I meant by posting that blog.

Sorry if I offended.