The Green Room - Compliments

May 11^th, 2010 at 8:47am

Silent Knight Offline
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Does anybody else sometimes HATE being complimented?

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Reply #1 - May 11^th, 2010 at 10:10am

Cheeky Monkey Offline
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Um... no.

"Depends. Did you feel anything for the pumpkin? The midgets?" -Wildcard&&&&If Mary Matalin and James Carville can make it work, ANYONE can. The end.

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Reply #2 - May 11^th, 2010 at 10:11am

Cheeky Monkey Offline
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P.S. Nice signature pic! Wink

"Depends. Did you feel anything for the pumpkin? The midgets?" -Wildcard&&&&If Mary Matalin and James Carville can make it work, ANYONE can. The end.

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Reply #3 - May 11^th, 2010 at 10:29am

Dexter the Halls Offline
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What's not to like?!

I don't like insincere compliments of course... the kind where someone is just LOOKING for something nice to say.

The worst part about being complimented is not knowing how I come off when I say, "thank you," instead of the customary, "Naw, I am in fact horrible at/in all the things/areas you just mentioned."

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Reply #4 - May 11^th, 2010 at 10:47am

Silent Knight Offline
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Never mind. This is one of those threads I wish I had never started, born out of a bad mood. I start getting personal or introspective in a way I realize i don't want to in a public forum. Sorry.

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"The power is not in the mask. It's in whether we chose to wear it."
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Reply #5 - May 11^th, 2010 at 12:31pm

Mister Grinch Offline
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Why do you sometimes hate compliments? What compliments do people give you that irritate you the most? Why do you think they're giving them to you? Now I really want to know.

There is one thing you never put in a trap, if you're smart - if you value your continued existence - if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow there is one thing you never EVER put in a trap.� Me.

Listen, I don't know what sort of kids you've been flying around with in outer space, but you're not telling me to shut up!

As long as I don't bleed or cry, I'll do it!

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Reply #6 - May 11^th, 2010 at 1:09pm

Silent Knight Offline
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Mister Grinch wrote on May 11^th, 2010 at 12:31pm:

Why do you sometimes hate compliments?� What compliments do people give you that irritate you the most?� Why do you think they're giving them to you?� Now I really want to know.

A: I feel like they're often insincere. I hate it when people saying something to be nice, but all logic dictates they don't mean it.

B: I often feel like the compliments are innacurate and/or non-applicable, and it makes me feel like the person giving them doesn't "get" me. This one is very common, as I often think m,y twin brother is the only person who DOES get me.

C: What the person intends as a compliment is actually something I consider rather insulting.

D: I consider myself unworthy of the compliment.

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"The power is not in the mask. It's in whether we chose to wear it."
-Peter Blustrinsky

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Reply #7 - May 11^th, 2010 at 1:13pm

Mister Grinch Offline
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Silent Knight wrote on May 11^th, 2010 at 1:09pm:

B: I often feel like the compliments are inaccurate and/or non-applicable, and it makes me feel like the person giving them doesn't "get" me.

This. I feel like this a lot. At least, sometimes the compliments people give me are vastly different than my perceptions of myself, so it makes me uncomfortable inside, as well as making the exchange between us uncomfortable. I always have to make a decision each time if I'll say, "Oh thanks!" or fight them on it so they can see the real me (or my perception of me), and nowadays I find the fight's barely ever worth it.

There is one thing you never put in a trap, if you're smart - if you value your continued existence - if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow there is one thing you never EVER put in a trap.� Me.

Listen, I don't know what sort of kids you've been flying around with in outer space, but you're not telling me to shut up!

As long as I don't bleed or cry, I'll do it!

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Reply #8 - May 11^th, 2010 at 1:20pm

Silent Knight Offline
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Mister Grinch wrote on May 11^th, 2010 at 1:13pm:

Silent Knight wrote on May 11^th, 2010 at 1:09pm:

B: I often feel like the compliments are inaccurate and/or non-applicable, and it makes me feel like the person giving them doesn't "get" me.�

This.� I feel like this a lot.� At least, sometimes the compliments people give me are vastly different than my perceptions of myself, so it makes me uncomfortable inside, as well as making the exchange between us uncomfortable.� I always have to make a decision each time if I'll say, "Oh thanks!" or fight them on it so they can see the real me (or my perception of me), and nowadays I find the fight's barely ever worth it.

Exactly. In this case, at least, you get me Wink

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"The power is not in the mask. It's in whether we chose to wear it."
-Peter Blustrinsky

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Reply #9 - May 11^th, 2010 at 1:45pm

Krumpson Offline
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Yes. No.� �I mean, I like compliments most of the time... but I don't like people who suck up to me.� First of all, I'm not worth sucking up to, so it's kind of creepy.� �Secondly, most of these people have fragile self-esteems.� They can't stand it if I don't acknowledge their unprecedented mountain of compliments and return an equal amount of compliments all the time.� People like that are just way too high-maintenance for me.� I don't enjoy being around individuals who are so easily shattered and embittered that I have to tiptoe around their fragility all the time, reflecting compliments back to them.� It's reciprocity at it's worst.

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Reply #10 - May 11^th, 2010 at 2:05pm

Cheeky Monkey Offline
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I'm sorry, but seriously you guys? A compliment can't just be a frikkin compliment?

"Depends. Did you feel anything for the pumpkin? The midgets?" -Wildcard&&&&If Mary Matalin and James Carville can make it work, ANYONE can. The end.

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Reply #11 - May 11^th, 2010 at 2:22pm

Silent Knight Offline
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Cheeky Monkey wrote on May 11^th, 2010 at 2:05pm:

I'm sorry, but seriously you guys? A compliment can't just be a frikkin compliment?

I absolutely can. if you'll recall, I used the word SOMETIMES in my original post. I don't always react this way, it depends on events and mood. That is especially true in the "is it sincere?" or "do I deserve it scenarios?"

On the other hand, I submit that, if the compliment is something that is insulting to you, it's ludicrous to think it should be percieved as a compliment. Example: Mister A, Kaylee or I was told "I love your writing! it's so Stephanie Meyer!" The complimenter deserves credit for being nice, but it would be ridiculous to assume we should be flattered by being told we're the antithesis of what we want to be. If you're suggesting we should let these sorts of compliments roll off our backs, you're probably right, yes. If you're suggesting we should be flattered by them . . . I think that's even more neurotic and unhealthy than what we're saying.

If someone says "I like you", I'm always going to like that.

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"The power is not in the mask. It's in whether we chose to wear it."
-Peter Blustrinsky

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Reply #12 - May 11^th, 2010 at 2:23pm

Silent Knight Offline
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Krumpson wrote on May 11^th, 2010 at 1:45pm:

Yes. No.� �I mean, I like compliments most of the time... but I don't like people who suck up to me.� First of all, I'm not worth sucking up to, so it's kind of creepy.� �Secondly, most of these people have fragile self-esteems.� They can't stand it if I don't acknowledge their unprecedented mountain of compliments and return an equal amount of compliments all the time.� People like that are just way too high-maintenance for me.� I don't enjoy being around individuals who are so easily shattered and embittered that I have to tiptoe around their fragility all the time, reflecting compliments back to them.� It's reciprocity at it's worst.

I don't get sucked up to. I think most people see there's little to gain from it.

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"The power is not in the mask. It's in whether we chose to wear it."
-Peter Blustrinsky

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Reply #13 - May 11^th, 2010 at 3:17pm

The Kaylee and the Ivy Offline
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Silent Knight wrote on May 11^th, 2010 at 2:22pm:

Cheeky Monkey wrote on May 11^th, 2010 at 2:05pm:

I'm sorry, but seriously you guys? A compliment can't just be a frikkin compliment?

I absolutely can. if you'll recall, I used the word SOMETIMES in my original post. I don't always react this way, it depends on events and mood. That is especially true in the "is it sincere?" or "do I deserve it scenarios?"

On the other hand, I submit that, if the compliment is something that is insulting to you, it's ludicrous to think it should be percieved as a compliment. Example: Mister A, Kaylee or I was told "I love your writing! it's so Stephanie Meyer!" The complimenter deserves credit for being nice, but it would be ridiculous to assume we should be flattered by being told we're the antithesis of what we want to be. If you're suggesting we should let these sorts of compliments roll off our backs, you're probably right, yes. If you're suggesting we should be flattered by them . . . I think that's even more neurotic and unhealthy than what we're saying.

If someone says "I like you", I'm always going to like that.

The culture of compliments has become so bullshit. I agree with a lot of what DK is saying. Compliments are wonderful! They can totally just be compliments! But we live in a society where people are just fake-fake-fake, and like Mir said, people feel it necessary to dole out compliments in order to be liked. I guess it's the motive of the compliment that is in question, maybe.

I try to counteract this by not giving compliments that I don't mean, and giving compliments that have some kind of detail in them. "No, it was really good" is some weak sauce.

(Example of what DK meant here, because it's relevant: I had a friend once that told me my writing reminded her of LM Montgomery. It was a really gorgeous and supportive compliment, and one that I treasured highly and remembered nearly word for word. A few months later, the same friend dropped a casual mention that she does not care for LM Montgomery, and I was absolutely crushed.)

If we're going to die, let's die looking like a Peruvian folk band.

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Reply #14 - May 11^th, 2010 at 3:29pm

Silent Knight Offline
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I'm glad you see my point, Kaylee. However, I think you can still take the L.M. Montgomery thing as a compliment. I'd be much more compliment by a Spielberg detractor telling me my work reminded them of Spielberg than a Shyamalan fan telling me it reminded them of Shyamalan. It's not really nice, but if the comparison is a compliment to you, I can see good in it.

What I meant is more along the lines of someone comparing me to Jared Hess or Nathan Lane. I appreciate that it was meant as a positive thing, but they're perfect examples of the kind of fillmaker or actor I don't want to be. It leaves me worried rather than complimented.

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"The power is not in the mask. It's in whether we chose to wear it."
-Peter Blustrinsky

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Reply #15 - May 11^th, 2010 at 3:32pm

Silent Knight Offline
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In all honesty, what I said earlier about getting personal is the root of what I'm saying. What I'm talking about is more about self-esteemand self-perception than it is about what a person says or why they say it. It resulted from a bad mood I'm mostly out of.

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"The power is not in the mask. It's in whether we chose to wear it."
-Peter Blustrinsky

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Reply #16 - Jul 13^th, 2010 at 5:53pm

Wc365 Offline
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Silent Knight wrote on May 11^th, 2010 at 1:09pm:

Mister Grinch wrote on May 11^th, 2010 at 12:31pm:

Why do you sometimes hate compliments?� What compliments do people give you that irritate you the most?� Why do you think they're giving them to you?� Now I really want to know.

A: I feel like they're often insincere. I hate it when people saying something to be nice, but all logic dictates they don't mean it.

B: I often feel like the compliments are innacurate and/or non-applicable, and it makes me feel like the person giving them doesn't "get" me. This one is very common, as I often think m,y twin brother is the only person who DOES get me.

C: What the person intends as a compliment is actually something I consider rather insulting.

D: I consider myself unworthy of the compliment.

I never know how to take a compliment, for pretty much the reasons you named. I'm suspicious of ulterior motives, and I just can't help feeling like the payee of the compliment is just being polite, especially when it's a rather generic statement like, "Good job."

Now, if someone actually expresses interest in what I've "achieved," like asking questions about the inspiration for my choices, or how I did this or that, or maybe some more technical question or observation... then I really feel like the payee is invested in the compliment.

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Reply #17 - Jul 13^th, 2010 at 5:54pm

Wc365 Offline
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Silent Knight wrote on May 11^th, 2010 at 2:22pm:

If someone says "I like you", I'm always going to like that.

I usually ask, "Why?"

Cynic. Sue me.

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Reply #18 - Jul 14^th, 2010 at 10:20am

Cheeky Monkey Offline
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This topic still infuriates me.

That said, I still love you all. Kiss

"Depends. Did you feel anything for the pumpkin? The midgets?" -Wildcard&&&&If Mary Matalin and James Carville can make it work, ANYONE can. The end.

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Reply #19 - Jul 14^th, 2010 at 11:00am

Silent Knight Offline
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Cheeky Monkey wrote on Jul 14^th, 2010 at 10:20am:

This topic still infuriates me.

That said, I still love you all.� Kiss

Your response still infuriates me. But I still love you.

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"The power is not in the mask. It's in whether we chose to wear it."
-Peter Blustrinsky

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Reply #20 - Jul 15^th, 2010 at 7:13pm

Cheeky Monkey Offline
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For the record, it's not necessarily a compliment to love a person. AKA I wasn't paying a compliment. I love you all regardless of the compliment I may or may not heap upon you.

Though this crowd I'm going to err on the side of not heaping; don't want to get anyone the wrong idea!

"Depends. Did you feel anything for the pumpkin? The midgets?" -Wildcard&&&&If Mary Matalin and James Carville can make it work, ANYONE can. The end.

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Reply #21 - Jul 15^th, 2010 at 7:20pm

Silent Knight Offline
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Cheeky Monkey wrote on Jul 15^th, 2010 at 7:13pm:

For the record, it's not necessarily a compliment to love a person. AKA I wasn't paying a compliment. I love you all regardless of the compliment I may or may not heap upon you.

Though this crowd I'm going to err on the side of not heaping; don't want to get anyone the wrong idea!

Relax. A compliment is just a compliment Wink

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"The power is not in the mask. It's in whether we chose to wear it."
-Peter Blustrinsky

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