The Green Room - Theater Jokes

Dec 1^st, 2009 at 2:11pm

Mister Grinch Offline
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The Lost Moon of Poosh

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I was just musing, and realized I don't think I know of any real Q/A type of jokes about theater or Broadway. Or lightbulb jokes? Or setup/punchline type of jokes. Funny anecdotes, sure, but that's not quite the same as a joke-joke.

Anybody got any to share?

There is one thing you never put in a trap, if you're smart - if you value your continued existence - if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow there is one thing you never EVER put in a trap.� Me.

Listen, I don't know what sort of kids you've been flying around with in outer space, but you're not telling me to shut up!

As long as I don't bleed or cry, I'll do it!

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Reply #1 - Dec 1^st, 2009 at 10:15pm

Only In Las Vegas Offline
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preferably, take me!

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An old stage manager arrived at the Pearly Gates. As a reward for years of patience, discretion, and endeavour, St. Peter granted him a single wish.

"I've never seen a perfect blackout -- can that be arranged?" he asked.

St. Peter snapped his fingers, and the darkness descended. There was not a hint of spill from worklights or prompt corner. There was total silence, not a whisper, not a footstep, not a pin drop -- just complete silence and total darkness. It lasted 18 seconds.

When the lights came up again, St. Peter was gone and the Pearly Gates had been struck.

This is a girl who has had her heart broken
Cried for continuous hours
Yelled and screamed for help
A girl who turned her back on the world
and a girl who did nothing but love someone.

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Reply #2 - Dec 1^st, 2009 at 10:17pm

Only In Las Vegas Offline
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Take me or leave me.......but
preferably, take me!

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This is one that I keep in my Stage Managing Box, just cause it still makes me laugh.

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Complain to the director at notes.

Q: How many directors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Give a note to the stage manager to fix it!

Q: How many stage managers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Pull the technical director off of a set installation to deal with it.

Q: How many technical directors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Call the master electrician at home to fix it.

Q: How many master electricians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: We don't change bulbs, only halogen lamps. It's a props problem.

Q: How many props masters does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Light bulb?! When did they even get a lamp?

Q: How many theatre critics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: All of them - 1 to be highly critical of the design elements, 1 to express contempt for the glow of the lamp, 1 to lambast the interpretation of wattage used, 1 to critique the performance of the bulb itself, 1 to recall superb lightbulbs of past seasons and lament how this one fails to measure up, and all to join in the refrain reflecting on how they could build a better light bulb in their sleep.

Q: How many theatre students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Erm, what's the deadline, cos I may need an extension.

Q: How many audience members does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three. One to do it, one child to cry and another to say, "ROSE, HE'S CHANGING THE LIGHT BULB."

This is a girl who has had her heart broken
Cried for continuous hours
Yelled and screamed for help
A girl who turned her back on the world
and a girl who did nothing but love someone.

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Reply #3 - Dec 2^nd, 2009 at 9:38am

Mister Grinch Offline
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Basically... run.
The Lost Moon of Poosh

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Nice! I do like that first one a lot.

And because I'm a dork, I made up my own.

http://www.playersanonymous.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?num=1231047642/165#177

There is one thing you never put in a trap, if you're smart - if you value your continued existence - if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow there is one thing you never EVER put in a trap.� Me.

Listen, I don't know what sort of kids you've been flying around with in outer space, but you're not telling me to shut up!

As long as I don't bleed or cry, I'll do it!

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Reply #4 - Dec 3^rd, 2009 at 12:45am

Nuff Sed Offline
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They like me, they really
like me! Wait..... Nope!
WVC, UT

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Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: At least 7. One cast in the role and 6 from the ensemble grumbling under their breath, "I could do it better and in tune."

Spank you very much.... � � �Nuff' Sed!

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Reply #5 - Dec 3^rd, 2009 at 8:22am

gem2477 Offline
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I Love PA!

Posts: 111

Nuff Sed wrote on Dec 3^rd, 2009 at 12:45am:

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: At least 7. One cast in the role and 6 from the ensemble grumbling under their breath, "I could do it better and in tune."

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Reply #6 - Jan 22^nd, 2010 at 3:18pm

Captain Malcolm Reynolds Offline
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Serenity

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Only In Las Vegas wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 10:15pm:

An old stage manager arrived at the Pearly Gates. As a reward for years of patience, discretion, and endeavour, St. Peter granted him a single wish.

"I've never seen a perfect blackout -- can that be arranged?" he asked.

St. Peter snapped his fingers, and the darkness descended. There was not a hint of spill from worklights or prompt corner. There was total silence, not a whisper, not a footstep, not a pin drop -- just complete silence and total darkness. It lasted 18 seconds.

When the lights came up again, St. Peter was gone and the Pearly Gates had been struck.

If someone tries to kill you, you kill them right back!

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