BackStage Utah

For an actor?  Bring props.  Be late.  Psych out the other auditioners.  Bring weasels, especially ones concealed in one's trousers.

Mister Grinch wrote on Nov 10^th, 2009 at 10:52pm:

Because if you have weasels in your trousers and don't offer to share ....

.... well that's just plain rude.

mr. spiker wrote on Nov 10^th, 2009 at 10:56pm:


Honey, I'll share ALL my trouser weasels with you.

Don't tell them all about your sickness.  It just sounds like a pathetic excuse... even if you ARE sick.

Unless, for whatever reason, they ask.

There are two, actually.

The actor was doing a monologue about bulimia for an edgy new piece to be performed on the west coast. At one point in the monologue, she literally put her fingers down her throat and vomited on the floor.  When the AD tried to stop her, the actor just continued the monologue. At the end, the actor left the room (and the mess) and the Director had the SM bring in the next actor to just do his monologue with the mess right there.
When that actor refused, the Director said that he wasn't professional at all and asked him to leave and never return.

The second story is that I know the actor who told me the story really well. He's a reasonable guy with a history of performing/directing here in UT. He sided with the Director, saying that the second actor was being 'diva-ish' and unworkable.  As he was telling me why he thought that actor was being unworkable, I sortof blacked out a little, I was so shocked that he believed in what he was telling me.

WTF?

I'd say the second auditioner dodged a bullet.  Who would want to work for a director that treats his actors so poorly as to expect them to perform in some one else's vomit?

First of all. GROSS.

The first problem lies with the director and staff. If someone VOMITS on the floor, take an effing break from auditions and get someone to clean it up...honestly, NO ONE wants to stand in a pool of someone elses bile while singing "I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair"...

And if the Production team is lame enough to NOT clean it up for those auditioning for them...then do what Spiker said, and ask if you can go grab some items to clean it up yourself. Hell, offer to do you monologue while cleaning it up to prove you can do two things at once.

A pox upon the person that vomited in the first place. Stupid idea. And gross. I would never cast you.

A pox upon the director and SM etc for NOT having the sense to clean up after that mess.

A pox upon the actor that wouldn't audition...things happen on stage, and you need to be prepared for whatever. And I'm SURE they wouldn't have minded if you asked for a few minutes to clean it up.

This story is gross. I can't talk about vomit anymore...

The last time I puked at an audition it wasn't voluntary..... I didn't get a call back. I did clean it up. They were very appreciative and I was embarrassed a little....LOTs.

PS: If the tummy's grumblin and fever hasn't subsided into the 2 minute warning. Let 'em know and thank them for the opportunity............... to run outside and find a trash can. Finishing the monologue with partially digested carrots clinging to your chin is not worth it. 

Okay - one pet peeve I have. When someone's auditioning, I feel it is common courtesy to actually pay attention to the auditioner and not be fumbling around for papers or whispering to the other production people who are involved in the audition.

gem2477 wrote on Nov 12^th, 2009 at 8:35am:


I must come to the defense of auditors here. Sometimes, full attention isn't possible. Papers seem to breed like rabbits at an audition and shuffling them can't be helped. 
Also, just because the auditors eyes are not directly on you doesn't mean they are not paying attention to you. It's bad form to play directly to the auditors anyway (speaking stage here) - they need to be able to look at you and look away without you trying to hold their gaze with your own. 
As a Director, I feel VERY uncomfortable when actors play directly to me (looking me in the eyes for every clue and approval) and it usually shows their lack of experience. In those cases, I purposefully shuffle papers to avoid their gaze.

With my next point, I run the risk of sounding mean - please know, I'm not trying to sound so. I don't know you, gem2477, so I don't know your abilities or skills.  However, could it be that auditors are not paying attention because there are bad performance habits you need to work on?
Again - as a Director, I purposefully look away from an auditioner when they show bad habits. I don't like to watch because I want so badly for them to do well.

In other words - what are you doing as an actor to make it easy for the auditors to look at you while you audition?

Meanwhile, I think it's just good practice. You'll always, as a performer, have audience members who do not pay exact perfect attention the whole time you are performing.  Audience members do not have the same distractions that auditors do, either, and I've found Auditors often pay more attention than an audience would.

It's not always rudeness that causes auditors to not be paying attention.  Sometimes, it can be other things and the auditioner cannot know what those things are.  Give the auditors a second thought when considering why they are not paying attention. It could be any number of things having nothing to do with you - or it could be you and there are definitely things you can do to help that.

(gem2477, you are probably an amazing performer, just wanted that said)

kitchensinger wrote on Nov 12^th, 2009 at 8:48am:

There are people who don't? You need to introduce yourself and what you are doing, it's part of the basic routine. Stage or screen, you need to slate yourself. (When you know everyone in the room and it's a more casual occasion, there may be exceptions.)

Also ... if the auditioners are shuffling through papers, just wait until you have their attention. First, if you can't demand attention on stage, I won't be giving it. Second, it's simply polite - as Kate said it's a busy job, and there's a lot going on.

I've noticed this a lot--the director and/or other people at the table fussing around in papers while I'm auditioning.  Which undoubtedly means I fit in the category of being too painful to watch!  Anyway, I will say that I get a kick out of it when I'm doing a comedic song or monologue, and the director is busy jotting down notes but suddenly looks up and laughs. 

There is one director who never looks up when I'm in the room.  I've never asked around to see if he does the same thing with others or whether he really doesn't like me.  I've pretty much decided to stop auditioning for him though, since it doesn't really seem worth my bother.

What I hate is seeing people literally come in costume for a role.  Also excess talking in the hallway/foyer of the audition space.

shimmer wrote on Nov 30^th, 2009 at 11:31am:


I think you did all you could do. I don't know what option would have been better. It probably depends on what the director thinks about your type of situation.

gem2477 wrote on Nov 30^th, 2009 at 11:49am:


This is a couple weeks late, but here's my two cents.  I agree that it was a good way to handle the situation, give them the option, and it does depend on the directors.

Back in 2006, I emailed a director because I couldn't attend an audition I really wanted to simply because I was "going out of town for the weekend and could I please set up a different audition time but if not, here's my website and resume, please let me know."  (There may have been a note in the audition notice that said to contact the director with problems or questions, I don't remember.)  I wasn't entirely surprised not to be cast, but a few weeks later (a month before the run started), I got an email saying that a few too many people had dropped and she was impressed enough with my non-audition that she'd love to have me step in. 

Sure, it was ensemble, but it still worked out.  It really just depends on the director.

Stretch Armstrong wrote on Dec 14^th, 2009 at 11:38am:



I am in this same boat right now. I have auditions tomorrow at  the Grander and am getting over bronchitis. My voice is not 100% but I really don't want to miss the chance to do this show! Is it bad to start out your audition by saying you are sick or do you just tough it out and hope that the director can tell that you are not your usual self. Especially if they have never worked with you before.......

spiker wrote on Jun 4^th, 2010 at 9:37am:


That is what I figured.....I am trying all the ancient remedies for gettinga voice back right now, but I just wanted to make sure that in this kind of situation, just doing it was what needed to be done and not make excuses.

ps, my spelling was really bad in that last post, sorry! I am sure it was painful!