Let it begin...

Dear Justin Timberlake,

I'm almost positive that sexy never went anywhere.

Sincerely,

Josh

Dear Santa Clause,

Why haven't you died of a heart attack yet, you blubbery lard butt? �My doctor wants to put me on cholesterol meds and I'm only 41 and not really that fat. Yet here you are, obese and hundreds of years old and still frolicking with elves. That isn't right.

Love,
Mir

Dear George W.,

I feel left behind,

Me

Dear Doctor,

Congratulations on reaching out to the "young, hip, sexy" demographic.  It should do wonders for your ad rates.

But could you slip on that old scarf again, just for old times' sake?

With much affection,
Dennis W.c. Bergendorff

P.S. I don't think you gave Peri enough of a chance.  Could you arrange to pick her up again, maybe just for a quick catfight with...  nevermind.

Dear Manager,

When the form says "use when shorted a significant number of hours" we didn't really mean 1.

1 hour is hardly "significant".

Douche.

Regards,

LGA

Dear FBI,

I read today that you've reported that "sex slaves" of almost any age can be bought in any city or town in the U.S. for about $200.

This is terrible!  What are you doing to lower the price to about $135?  These ARE tough economic times, you know!

Yours in haste,
A concerned citizen

Misanthrope wrote on Dec 22^nd, 2008 at 3:37pm:

Dear FBI, I read today that you've reported that "sex slaves" of almost any age can be bought in any city or town in the U.S. for about $200. This is terrible! �What are you doing to lower the price to about $135? �These ARE tough economic times, you know! Yours in haste, A concerned citizen

My daughter is trained for Kill Bill and is going to kick your wad!

Lady M. wrote on Dec 22^nd, 2008 at 5:59pm:

Misanthrope wrote on Dec 22nd, 2008 at 3:37pm: Dear FBI, I read today that you've reported that "sex slaves" of almost any age can be bought in any city or town in the U.S. for about $200. This is terrible!  What are you doing to lower the price to about $135?  These ARE tough economic times, you know! Yours in haste, A concerned citizen My daughter is trained for Kill Bill and is going to kick your wad!

Any daughter of YOURS, Lady M., is undoubtedly worth the full $200.

How's that for an extremely bad compliment!?    :D

Misanthrope wrote on Dec 22^nd, 2008 at 6:32pm:

Lady M. wrote on Dec 22nd, 2008 at 5:59pm: Misanthrope wrote on Dec 22nd, 2008 at 3:37pm: Dear FBI, I read today that you've reported that "sex slaves" of almost any age can be bought in any city or town in the U.S. for about $200. This is terrible! �What are you doing to lower the price to about $135? �These ARE tough economic times, you know! Yours in haste, A concerned citizen My daughter is trained for Kill Bill and is going to kick your wad! Any daughter of YOURS, Lady M., is undoubtedly worth the full $200. How's that for an extremely bad compliment!? � �:D

I will give you free sex if you buy my drugs.

Dear Next Generation,

We're sorry.

Signed,

All of Us.

Dear Trader Nick,

I know times are tough, and it's likely you and your crew have had to cut back somewhat, so tell you what, I think I have the kids covered, and I'll set aside my materialistic cravings and ask instead for a few intangibles.  Specifically, if you have some "peace of mind" you'd care  to impart on many of my loved ones, friends AND family (see the list I faxed to you last week)...  come to think of it, I could use a "plan" myself, so maybe you could drop by tomorrow night and we could work a deal.  

I've got a couple of bottles of your favorite, and I think I can arrange some of those Danish butter cookies and those ginger snaps I seem to remember you like so much.

Looking forward to seeing you.

Yours sincerely,

W.C.

Dear Joseph O'Nazareth,

It has come to our attention that you have not paid gift taxes on the valuable income (namely, gold, frankincense, myrhh) given to a dependent claimed as a deduction on your previous tax returns.  Our office believes that, with 2008 years of uncollected penalties on those gift taxes and compounded interest, you owe us approximate $15 trillion.  Please remit sum immediately.  Failure to remit may result in criminal charges being brought against you and your estate.

Thank you and have a Merry Christmas,
The Internal Revenue Service

Dear PA,
You are a wonderful organization.  I love you dearly.  Never change.

Love,
evil

Dear Online Word Verification People,

� I don't want to fill out the form again because I can't see the stupid non-word that you have asked me to verify. �Yeah, bots can't see it, well neither can I.

-Beast

Dear Winter,

Seriously? @#$* you.

All of us.

Dear Christians,

Shhhhhhhhhhhh!

Sincerely,

Followers of Christ.

Dear Santa,

I'm Jewish this year. Please get out of my chimney.


Love,
Me

Dear "Isn't It Ironic" chick,

If you were so famous, how come I can't remember your name?

Bitterly,
Forgetful

Dear Britney,

Seriously... stop. Enough is enough.

Sincerely,

Everyone with Taste

Dear Prudence,

Won't you come out to play?
Greet the brand new day
The sun's not out, the sky is grey
It's cold and miserable and so are you
Dear Prudence, stay inside!  I'll see you come Spring.

Sincerely,
J. Lennon (deceased)

Dear Facebook Friends,

I do not need a play by play of your relational status.  STOP clicking that button until you are figured out.  

Speaking of your facebook statii,  saying "Rich is sick of being sick", or "Sarah is tired of being tired", or "Shannon is sick and tired of being sick and tired" is NOT as cleaver and original as you think it is.  

With Love,

Nate

Dear Winter,
I know you appreciate a man who knows how to treat a lady.

This morning was wonderful beyond words.

See you tonight.

With undying love and longing devotion,
Wildcard

P.S. I love that gown you're wearing.  Who but you can make white seem so...

Dear Son,

Thank you offering to give Dark Knight your kidney when all I asked was that you remember him in your prayers.  You are an amazing young man & I am humbled to be your mother.

I love you,
Mom

Dear God/dess,

Thank you for all this snow and the opportunity it's provided for my family to spend more time together.

I dance naked before you.

Me

wrote on Dec 26^th, 2008 at 5:08pm:

Dear God/dess, Thank you for all this snow and the opportunity it's provided for my family to spend more time together. I dance naked before you. Me

Dear God/dess,

Although the Very Idea of Xena dancing naked before you to celebrate the snow is enticing, please make sure she doesn't dance naked before you in the snow, because I would hate to think of her catching pneumonia.  That would be bad.

The Professor

Dear idiot drug dealers caught on my street today by 6 cop cars,

next time you want to deal on my street, which i'd prefer you didn't, make sure you do it when it isn't a blizzard so that 3 of your cars don't get stuck in the snow. and don't do it in front of the old widows house, because she has nothing better to do than call the cops when you come down our street 3 times this week and look suspicious, with the flashing of your headlights and things.

sincerly,
the man giggling at you and peeking through my window shutters as the cops hauled your asses away.

Dear sugar,

I really truly love you.  Why must you be so naughty?  You could be so nice.  Is it something chemical?

Hungrily,
S. Tooth

Dear photographers,

Please.

Please.

No more pictures of Michael Jackson.  I have enough trouble sleeping.

Please?

Wistfully,
Cranberry

wrote on Dec 26^th, 2008 at 5:08pm:

Dear God/dess, Thank you for all this snow... I dance naked before you. Me

And this, students, is what is meant by "colder than a witch's..."

Dear Broadway,
Don't let the economy get you down...atleast not until long after I've made my debut!
Love,
Lilys Eyes

Dear shoppers,

Please stay at home now so I can drive and park and not curse humanity for its holiday shopping obsession.

Much obliged
C berry

Dear Self,

Try not to be so in control of things.  It makes the out-of-controls seem even more out of control.  Loosen up.

Sincerely,
Self

Dear Mr. Merrell,

I've been flirting with you for months.  I like you despite your extreme nerdiness and quiet.  However, I'm done now.  I've tried, and it's not my fault you wouldn't know what flirting was if it hit you in the face.

Signed,
Me  

Dear Cleo:

Just living on a Sunday morning,
got my toast and tea and I'm warm and
I just thought I'd think about.
All the things to get and keep getting,
never enough not enough and never ending.
I just thought I'd think about.

Just living on a Sunday morning,
got my toast and tea and I'm warm and
I just thought I'd think about.
All the things to get and keep getting,
never enough not enough and never ending.
I just thought I'd think about....
And it might be...

The comfort of a knowledge and I'll rise above the sky
above I'll never parallel the challenge of an acquisition
in the here and now, here and now

Parody of yourself in color,
giving it to everybody but your mother.
You've got much to think about.
Soaring higher with every treason.
Never justify, never reason.
You've got much to think about....
And it might be...

The comfort of a knowledge i'll rise above the sky
above i'll never parallel the challenge of an acquisition
in the here and now, here and now

The comfort of a knowledge i'll rise above the sky
above i'll never parallel the challenge of an acquisition
in the here and now, here and now

And it might be...

Parody of yourself in color,
giving it to everybody but your mother.
You've got much to think about.
Soaring higher with every treason.
Never justify, never reason.
You've got much to think about....
And it might be...

The comfort of a knowledge i'll rise above the sky
above i'll never parallel the challenge of an acquisition
in the here and now, here and now

The comfort of a knowledge i'll rise above the sky
above i'll never parallel the challenge of an acquisition
in the here and now, here and now

And it might be...

The comfort of a knowledge i'll rise above the sky
above i'll never parallel the challenge of an acquisition
in the here and now, here and now

And it might, might....

Yours truly,
Me

Dear Wildcard,

How can anyone else follow THAT?!

Signed,

All of us

P.S. Yes we enjoyed your letter. Very much. It was a compliment.

P.P.S. Did you step in something? What's that smell?!

Dear Hedgehog:

Anyone can follow it, if they knew the context of the letter.

Love,
Wildcard

P.S. Eau de Cut 'n' Paste.  The classic scent by Jobs and Wozniak.  ;)

Dear (almost) Everyone with a curbside Mailbox,

I find it interesting that you know how to shovel snow from your driveway, and yet you have no clue how to shovel away the snow from in front of your mailbox.

Just an observation...

Love,
Your friendly neighborhood Mailman

Dear Jughead,

I like you because you make me remember things I ought to remember in the first place. (We do not have a curbside mailbox but when I lived somewhere that did, I never remembered to shovel in front of it. I bet P.I.T. did though.)

Love,
Kaylee

Dear Snowplow Dude,

Why do you pile all the snow from the entire street and cul-de-sac right in front of our walkway every year?  Why do you hate our family, or do you just hate people who want to visit our family, or are you setting a trap for our UPS guy?

Perplexed,
Me

Dear Snow,


When!


Regards,
Me

Dear Wildcard,

You left your context at the neighbor's house. And that scent by Jobs and Wozniak is probably why Jobs looks so much older now... unless that scent IS is hormone therapy. In which case, that may substitute for context.

Sincerely,

The Hog

P.S. Can I have my dipthong back now?

Dear Hedgy:

Yeah, you can have it back, now.  I suppose you want me to wash it, first.

Wildcard

Dear Joan,

Re the first line in the e-mail you sent... "To those who are addressed in the To line, Happy New Year!"

Just a quick question, here: WHO ELSE DO YOU IMAGINE IS READING THIS?!  

Yours truly (wondering if literacy and basic logic are pre-requisites for your job),
Dennis

Dear Computer Speakers,

Please do not die.  I need you.  

Pleadingly,
Stretch

The Kaylee and the Ivy wrote on Jan 5^th, 2009 at 12:45am:

Dear Jughead, I like you because you make me remember things I ought to remember in the first place. (We do not have a curbside mailbox but when I lived somewhere that did, I never remembered to shovel in front of it. I bet P.I.T. did though.) Love, Kaylee

Dear Kaylee,

I love you.

Love,
Jughead

Dear Postal Employee

My walks are clear. I worked hard to shovel and salt them because my friend reminded me of your needs.

Why, oh why did you trudge across my unshoveled driveway? I now have little icey bits that are a pain in the arse to shovel up. Obviously you were wearing good boots and don't care for shoveled walks.

Thanks for the feedback

Yours
A Happy Homeowner with a Never-Again-To-Be-Sore Back

Dear husband & kids,
Thank you all so much for taking over while I'm down for the count and keeping the house so nice & clean.  And thank you for helping stand when I stumble.  And thank you for convincing me that I'm not either going to die right now even though it sometimes feels that would be the easier, happier option.
Love,
Gimpy me

Dear Metabolism,

What is UP with the two drink hangovers? I mean, I would understand a five drink hangover, but you seem to be fine with me drinking anywhere from three to twenty. Are you TRYING to get me to become an alcoholic?

Go have a nice long talk with my liver. Maybe that'll give you some perspective.

Yours,
germy

Dear Spring,

See you soon!

Love,
Me

Dear Cute-Girl-in-Pink-at-the-bottom-of-this-page

thank you for your beauty, and for brightening up my day

d.o.k.

Dear Chocolate,

Thank you for having a long shelf-life, and for faithfully waiting for me until Saturday comes along each week.  Thank you for coming in many delicious varieties, and for being appealing to so many of my senses.  You are beautiful to my eyes, your scent is heavenly, your texture is smooth and creamy, and the taste of you makes me nearly faint with pleasure.

I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.

Love,
Slim Persistent

Dear Roommate,
       Please don't use my large serving spoon for your cereal. If there are no more clean spoons you have my permission to wash one.

-Beast

Dear (extended) family,

Pull the sticks out of your asses.

Love,
Me

Dear Valentine's Day

Move along. Nothing to see here.

Thanks
Single People of the US

DannyOKeefe wrote on Feb 13^th, 2009 at 10:46am:

Dear Valentine's Day Move along. Nothing to see here. Thanks Single People of the US

Dear Valentine's Day,

Some of us don't mind you. Some of us even like you. Stick around, it's cool. You're not just about romance. You get a bad rap, Valentine's Day, and I just don't understand why. You're a holiday that's become a parody of itself, almost-- I don't know why people still take you as seriously as they do, but for my part, I think you're fun.

Thanks--
The Other Single People in the US

The Kaylee and the Ivy wrote on Feb 13^th, 2009 at 10:52pm:

DannyOKeefe wrote on Feb 13th, 2009 at 10:46am: Dear Valentine's Day Move along. Nothing to see here. Thanks Single People of the US Dear Valentine's Day, Some of us don't mind you. Some of us even like you. Stick around, it's cool. You're not just about romance. You get a bad rap, Valentine's Day, and I just don't understand why. You're a holiday that's become a parody of itself, almost-- I don't know why people still take you as seriously as they do, but for my part, I think you're fun. Thanks-- The Other Single People in the US

Dear Kaylee,
  I'm with you.  Sometimes I wonder about all the bitter single people on Valentines Day and then think, uh, no one likes someone who is bitter, unless it's Mr. A.  He likes Mrs. Bitters and he used to have this really annoying sound that played everytime I opened a place he had posted... anyway, Valentines Day doesn't have to be commercial unless you want it to.  It doesn't have to be a reminder of anything unless you want it to.  You don't have to be happy unless you want to.

-Beast

DannyOKeefe wrote on Feb 3^rd, 2009 at 12:20pm:

Dear Cute-Girl-in-Pink-at-the-bottom-of-this-page thank you for your beauty, and for brightening up my day d.o.k.

Dear DannyOKeefe,

You're welcome.  That picture is my Valentine's present to everyone here.  See, Valentine's day isn't all bad, is it?

-La Beq

Beast wrote on Feb 15^th, 2009 at 1:27am:

The Kaylee and the Ivy wrote on Feb 13th, 2009 at 10:52pm: DannyOKeefe wrote on Feb 13th, 2009 at 10:46am: Dear Valentine's Day Move along. Nothing to see here. Thanks Single People of the US Dear Valentine's Day, Some of us don't mind you. Some of us even like you. Stick around, it's cool. You're not just about romance. You get a bad rap, Valentine's Day, and I just don't understand why. You're a holiday that's become a parody of itself, almost-- I don't know why people still take you as seriously as they do, but for my part, I think you're fun. Thanks-- The Other Single People in the US Dear Kaylee, � I'm with you. �Sometimes I wonder about all the bitter single people on Valentines Day and then think, uh, no one likes someone who is bitter, unless it's Mr. A. �He likes Mrs. Bitters and he used to have this really annoying sound that played everytime I opened a place he had posted... anyway, Valentines Day doesn't have to be commercial unless you want it to. �It doesn't have to be a reminder of anything unless you want it to. �You don't have to be happy unless you want to. -Beast

Dear YaBB program,

I wish I could still embed a minuscule flash file into my signature so Beast could hear Ms Bitters many times a day for nostalgia's sake, but you don't allow me to do that no mo'.  Thanks.  Thanks for nuthin'!

Sincerely,
Mister Anonie

Mister Grinch wrote on Feb 15^th, 2009 at 12:24pm:

Beast wrote on Feb 15th, 2009 at 1:27am: The Kaylee and the Ivy wrote on Feb 13th, 2009 at 10:52pm: DannyOKeefe wrote on Feb 13th, 2009 at 10:46am: Dear Valentine's Day Move along. Nothing to see here. Thanks Single People of the US Dear Valentine's Day, Some of us don't mind you. Some of us even like you. Stick around, it's cool. You're not just about romance. You get a bad rap, Valentine's Day, and I just don't understand why. You're a holiday that's become a parody of itself, almost-- I don't know why people still take you as seriously as they do, but for my part, I think you're fun. Thanks-- The Other Single People in the US Dear Kaylee, � I'm with you. �Sometimes I wonder about all the bitter single people on Valentines Day and then think, uh, no one likes someone who is bitter, unless it's Mr. A. �He likes Mrs. Bitters and he used to have this really annoying sound that played everytime I opened a place he had posted... anyway, Valentines Day doesn't have to be commercial unless you want it to. �It doesn't have to be a reminder of anything unless you want it to. �You don't have to be happy unless you want to. -Beast Dear YaBB program, I wish I could still embed a minuscule flash file into my signature so Beast could hear Ms Bitters many times a day for nostalgia's sake, but you don't allow me to do that no mo'. �Thanks. �Thanks for nuthin'! Sincerely, Mister Anonie

Or will it let me?  http://www.misteranonie.com/doomed.swf

Dear Mr. A,
   :)

-Beast

Dear Stomach,

Why do you hate me? What did I ever do to you except try to make you happy?

No love,
Cheeky

Dear Perky Girl who named herself Kaylee,

Thanks for the positive attitude. That made me happy.
As an asside to Valentine's Day, I had an ejoyable day
with friends and it was very nice, so I take back my whiney
comments.

Carry On

DoK

Dear Protein Shake,

Thank you for being chocolate and tasty.

Love,
Persistent

Dear February,

I'm done with you.  You need to quit.  It's not your cloud cover I hate, it's the threat and realization of the threat of snow.  In a different place we might be friends.  I'd probably like you in Seattle, or New Mexico, or Hawaii.  But here, now, you are unwelcome, and I must invite you to leave.

Before I call the cops.

Sincerely,
Mister A

Dear Migraine,

F@#^* off!

Me

Dear WIA,
    If you're going to base an award off of top producing numbers, then be honest and base it accurately.  If you want to give a guy an award cause he's your drinking buddy, then don't invite me.

-Beast

Dear Beauty,

I saw wrinkles in my face today and was sad to realize I didn't see you in them.  Why is it that society in general only notices your presence in youthfulness?  Why don't I look forward to achieving my laugh-lines, knowing that you will be part of them?  Why do I feel like you are leaving me simply because I'm growing older?

Women especially are victim to this flawed thinking.  I wish I could re-brainwash myself, or un-brainwash myself, so that I can find you in my face no matter how old and wrinkled I become.

There are days when I really miss you.

Love,
Persistent

Persistent wrote on Feb 17^th, 2009 at 10:23pm:

Dear Beauty, I saw wrinkles in my face today and was sad to realize I didn't see you in them. �Why is it that society in general only notices your presence in youthfulness? �Why don't I look forward to achieving my laugh-lines, knowing that you will be part of them? �Why do I feel like you are leaving me simply because I'm growing older? Women especially are victim to this flawed thinking. �I wish I could re-brainwash myself, or un-brainwash myself, so that I can find you in my face no matter how old and wrinkled I become. There are days when I really miss you. Love, Persistent

Dear Persistent,

I love laugh lines. They are my favorite thing to see in people. I think they are so charming and warm and inviting when women have them, and I think they are so sexy and intriguing when men have them-- I always get weak in the knees for men with laugh lines. I love people who laugh and I love when it shows even though they are not laughing. I think it's beautiful. I admire all the moms and wives on PA who have had so many happy years to make them and think they are ever more beautiful because of them. I hope I have so much happiness and laughter and I hope to be as beautiful as you always have been.

Love,
Kaylee

Dear Class of 2011,

Stop whining about homework.  Especially when that homework is easily done if you've done the reading for the lecture during which the homework is due.  It keeps you current, facilitates your learning and is written such that it will prepare you for Step 1 of the boards.  You know, that exam we all keep complaining that no one is helping us prepare for?  Yeah, that one.  This homework is extremely helpful in preparing for it.  So stop whining, you sound like you're 5.  All of you.

Me

Dear Facebook:

"<some person> updated their profile" is horrendously poor grammar.

Persistent wrote on Feb 17^th, 2009 at 11:14am:

Dear Protein Shake, Thank you for being chocolate and tasty. Love, Persistent

Dear Persistent's Protein Shake,

Who are you and where can I find you?

Love,

Cheeky's Stomach

Dear Paramount Pictures,
I hate you for passing on Steven Spielberg's "Lincoln" movie. May you all burn in Hell.

Love,
The Dark Knight

Cheeky Monkey wrote on Feb 19^th, 2009 at 7:30am:

Persistent wrote on Feb 17th, 2009 at 11:14am: Dear Protein Shake, Thank you for being chocolate and tasty. Love, Persistent Dear Persistent's Protein Shake, Who are you and where can I find you? Love, Cheeky's Stomach

Dear Cheeky's Stomach,

I can be easily purchased at Wal Mart for $3.73 per six-pack.  Look for Equate brand right next to the SlimFast.  I may not have quite as much protein as the body-builder shakes, but I'm cheaper and I taste better.

Love,
Persistent's Favorite Protein Shake

Dear Motivation,

I miss you.

Longingly,
Persistent

Dear Government,
        You suck for giving my friend a grant so she could finish her Master's degree, then mid-semester taking it back for absolutely no reason.  She has since had to drop out and is now stuck in Chicago.  Thank you, so much, for prohibiting your people from bettering themselves.

Worst Regards,
    Q.M.  

Dear America,

Though I understand your reasons (protecting the stupid from themselves), I'm greatly disappointed that you've made Kinder eggs illegal.

Because I need one.  I need one now and I need it BAAAAAD!  The chocolate! The smell!  The feel of the little orange-y capsule!  THE SNAP-TOGETHER TOY INSIDE!  I MUST HAVE ONE!

If this is your way of encouraging my emigration to Europe, America, foo on you.  But if I must, I must.

Sincerely,
Mister A

Dear America,

You made Kinder eggs illegal? �When? �And are Americans really so much more stupid than the rest of the world that we need signs like this one I took a photo of at Snowbird today? �

Love,
Baffled

P. S. When we were in Italy last, the Italians were laughing at a lava lamp they bought from the United States that had this on the label: WARNING: DO NOT DRINK �

---

Lady M. wrote on Sep 27^th, 2009 at 9:45pm:

Dear America, You made Kinder eggs illegal? �When? �

1938

Mister Grinch wrote on Sep 27^th, 2009 at 10:14pm:

Lady M. wrote on Sep 27th, 2009 at 9:45pm: Dear America, You made Kinder eggs illegal? �When? � 1938

People were just as stupid back then?

Lady M. wrote on Sep 27^th, 2009 at 10:56pm:

Mister Grinch wrote on Sep 27th, 2009 at 10:14pm: Lady M. wrote on Sep 27th, 2009 at 9:45pm: Dear America, You made Kinder eggs illegal? �When? � 1938 People were just as stupid back then?

Um . . . Kinder eggs are illegal? someone just bought me one (in downtown SlC, no less0 and gave it to me last wednesday. i hope she doesn't get arrested.

wrote on Sep 28^th, 2009 at 8:15am:

Lady M. wrote on Sep 27th, 2009 at 10:56pm: Mister Grinch wrote on Sep 27th, 2009 at 10:14pm: Lady M. wrote on Sep 27th, 2009 at 9:45pm: Dear America, You made Kinder eggs illegal? �When? � 1938 People were just as stupid back then? Um . . . Kinder eggs are illegal? someone just bought me one (in downtown SLC, no less and gave it to me last Wednesday. I hope she doesn't get arrested.

"Kinder Eggs are sold all over the world excluding the United States, where the 1938 Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act prohibits embedding "non-nutritive items" in confections."

"There are some stores in the United States that sell genuine Kinder Eggs, often in conjunction with other imported British or other European sweets, although their import is illegal due to the 1938 law and 1997 recall.[2]'

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinder_egg

Quote:

"the 1938 Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act prohibits embedding "non-nutritive items" in confections."

Am I the only person to whom this seems ludicrous?

Dear Mister A

          My husband is from Germany and in being so we have discovered 2 fabulous places that sell food from said origin. If you are interested in breaking the law and buying some of these said eggs (cheap too) please look up Pirate O's, and or Siegfreids. The first is located on 900 east and 10600 south, and Siegfreids is off of main street in salt lake.

However, if asked, we never had this conversation and I have no idea who you are or what you represent.

Sincerly,
     The Krauts.

Dear Monday,

You are here again way too soon.

Sincerely,

The man crawling back under the covers.

Persistent wrote on Sep 28^th, 2009 at 8:23am:

Quote: "the 1938 Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act prohibits embedding "non-nutritive items" in confections." Am I the only person to whom this seems ludicrous?

Well, there are a lot of stupid people here in the US who might mistake a toy for candy.  We do, after all, still have signs that warn people of the fact that hot coffee may, in fact, be HOT.

That said, I have no idea what a Kinder Egg is.  Did I lead a deprived childhood?

spiker wrote on Sep 28^th, 2009 at 9:32am:

Persistent wrote on Sep 28th, 2009 at 8:23am: Quote: "the 1938 Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act prohibits embedding "non-nutritive items" in confections." Am I the only person to whom this seems ludicrous? Well, there are a lot of stupid people here in the US who might mistake a toy for candy. �We do, after all, still have signs that warn people of the fact that hot coffee may, in fact, be HOT. That said, I have no idea what a Kinder Egg is. �Did I lead a deprived childhood?

Ya know, kinda. I mean the chocolate was ok, but it was the fact you got a cool toy inside that was awesome! It honestly, depening on where the egg came from, you either got really cool toys (my little one always gets animals that snap apart in hers) or stickers. But the good toys were always really good quality toys.  Go to one of the places that I mentioned above and get one (Pirate O's is cheaper) and then post what you think!

spiker wrote on Sep 28^th, 2009 at 9:32am:

Persistent wrote on Sep 28th, 2009 at 8:23am: Quote: "the 1938 Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act prohibits embedding "non-nutritive items" in confections." Am I the only person to whom this seems ludicrous? Well, there are a lot of stupid people here in the US who might mistake a toy for candy. �We do, after all, still have signs that warn people of the fact that hot coffee may, in fact, be HOT. That said, I have no idea what a Kinder Egg is. �Did I lead a deprived childhood?

What is REALLY ludicrous is the fact that so many confections are legally stuffed full of non-food preservatives that we DO eat and are probably worse for us than eating a plastic toy.

Lady M. wrote on Sep 28^th, 2009 at 10:21pm:

spiker wrote on Sep 28th, 2009 at 9:32am: Persistent wrote on Sep 28th, 2009 at 8:23am: Quote: "the 1938 Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act prohibits embedding "non-nutritive items" in confections." Am I the only person to whom this seems ludicrous? Well, there are a lot of stupid people here in the US who might mistake a toy for candy. �We do, after all, still have signs that warn people of the fact that hot coffee may, in fact, be HOT. That said, I have no idea what a Kinder Egg is. �Did I lead a deprived childhood? What is REALLY ludicrous is the fact that so many confections are legally stuffed full of non-food preservatives that we DO eat and are probably worse for us than eating a plastic toy.

Precisely my point.  And not just "confections", but so many other packaged foods are "embedded" with "non-nutritive items".  America is a little weird.   ::)

Dear Nose, Sinus, Eyes, and Ears;

Everyone else says their allergies disappeared with the rain today.  What is WRONG with you?  Do you find some kind of morbid pleasure in slowly killing me even when there are no air-born pollens around? Why am I still sneezing, swollen, and reacting to something?

No Love For YOU,
Miriam

Lady M. wrote on Sep 30^th, 2009 at 12:08pm:

Dear Nose, Sinus, Eyes, and Ears; Everyone else says their allergies disappeared with the rain today. �What is WRONG with you? �Do you find some kind of morbid pleasure in slowly killing me even when there are no air-born pollens around? Why am I still sneezing, swollen, and reacting to something? No Love For YOU, Miriam

Never mind. I still hate you, but the sagebrush pollen count for Utah Valley is set on EXTRA HIGH for today, rain or not.   I guess those other people with allergies who say they are better are either just staying indoors today due to rain or are allergic to something other than sagebrush.

Lady M. wrote on Sep 30^th, 2009 at 12:13pm:

Lady M. wrote on Sep 30th, 2009 at 12:08pm: Dear Nose, Sinus, Eyes, and Ears; Everyone else says their allergies disappeared with the rain today. �What is WRONG with you? �Do you find some kind of morbid pleasure in slowly killing me even when there are no air-born pollens around? Why am I still sneezing, swollen, and reacting to something? No Love For YOU, Miriam Never mind. I still hate you, but the sagebrush pollen count for Utah Valley is set on EXTRA HIGH for today, rain or not. � I guess those other people with allergies who say they are better are either just staying indoors today due to rain or are allergic to something other than sagebrush.

And now the pollen count says "Low" for Pl. Grove.  WTF?!  Stop playing with my head, Weather Dot Com!

:/

Lady M. wrote on Sep 30^th, 2009 at 12:13pm:

Lady M. wrote on Sep 30th, 2009 at 12:08pm: Dear Nose, Sinus, Eyes, and Ears; Everyone else says their allergies disappeared with the rain today. �What is WRONG with you? �Do you find some kind of morbid pleasure in slowly killing me even when there are no air-born pollens around? Why am I still sneezing, swollen, and reacting to something? No Love For YOU, Miriam Never mind. I still hate you, but the sagebrush pollen count for Utah Valley is set on EXTRA HIGH for today, rain or not. � I guess those other people with allergies who say they are better are either just staying indoors today due to rain or are allergic to something other than sagebrush.

If it's any consolation, Mir, my allergies have not let up today, either.  It blows, much like my nose.  Constantly.

Dear My Job,

Thank you for moving me out of Utah and to the great state of Virginia, where the leaves change over a period of weeks, not hours; we actually have trees; we won't have snow for months yet; and I'm not allergic to anything.

Gratefully,

Stretch

The Professor wrote on Sep 30^th, 2009 at 1:12pm:

Lady M. wrote on Sep 30th, 2009 at 12:13pm: Lady M. wrote on Sep 30th, 2009 at 12:08pm: Dear Nose, Sinus, Eyes, and Ears; Everyone else says their allergies disappeared with the rain today. �What is WRONG with you? �Do you find some kind of morbid pleasure in slowly killing me even when there are no air-born pollens around? Why am I still sneezing, swollen, and reacting to something? No Love For YOU, Miriam Never mind. I still hate you, but the sagebrush pollen count for Utah Valley is set on EXTRA HIGH for today, rain or not. � I guess those other people with allergies who say they are better are either just staying indoors today due to rain or are allergic to something other than sagebrush. If it's any consolation, Mir, my allergies have not let up today, either. �It blows, much like my nose. �Constantly.

Yes.  My misery loves your company.  Thank you.

Stretch Armstrong wrote on Sep 30^th, 2009 at 1:33pm:

Dear My Job, Thank you for moving me out of Utah and to the great state of Virginia, where the leaves change over a period of weeks, not hours; we actually have trees; we won't have snow for months yet; and I'm not allergic to anything. Gratefully, Stretch

I've always loved Virginia... except for a while when some people I know lived there that I was trying to avoid.  Now I love it again.

Dear Mother Nature:
        I am planning on going camping this weekend, down at the San Rafael Swell, and I would really love it if you would postpone winter for just a little longer. Seriously, give fall a chance, at least give a week! Every season needs its time to shine.
     
     Sincerly, The non-camper

Dear Life,

It's been so good to get to know you again.  I hope we never part.

Frannie

Stretch Armstrong wrote on Sep 30^th, 2009 at 1:33pm:

Dear My Job, Thank you for moving me out of Utah and to the great state of Virginia, where the leaves change over a period of weeks, not hours; we actually have trees; we won't have snow for months yet; and I'm not allergic to anything. Gratefully, Stretch

you've just sold me!! I will FORCE Ptp to take the residency in VA!!

Dear innards:

Please stop trying to kill me today.  I treat you well and I believe some reciprocity is in order.

Thank you.

Dear Whoever gained Access To My Wife's Credit Card Info And Made Those Unauthorized Charges:

Thanks for the grief you have caused us.  If we ever should happen to meet in person, I kinda want to punch you in the face at least six times.

Hope to see you real soon,
The Professor

Androsia wrote on Oct 11^th, 2009 at 11:17pm:

Stretch Armstrong wrote on Sep 30th, 2009 at 1:33pm: Dear My Job, Thank you for moving me out of Utah and to the great state of Virginia, where the leaves change over a period of weeks, not hours; we actually have trees; we won't have snow for months yet; and I'm not allergic to anything. Gratefully, Stretch you've just sold me!! I will FORCE Ptp to take the residency in VA!!

w00t!  If it's anywhere near me, it also means we'd get to hang out again!

Stretch Armstrong wrote on Oct 13^th, 2009 at 8:29am:

Androsia wrote on Oct 11th, 2009 at 11:17pm: Stretch Armstrong wrote on Sep 30th, 2009 at 1:33pm: Dear My Job, Thank you for moving me out of Utah and to the great state of Virginia, where the leaves change over a period of weeks, not hours; we actually have trees; we won't have snow for months yet; and I'm not allergic to anything. Gratefully, Stretch you've just sold me!! I will FORCE Ptp to take the residency in VA!! w00t! �If it's anywhere near me, it also means we'd get to hang out again!

can't wait!

Dear Swine Flu,

At first, I was afraid of you. Then I hated you for making several friends sick. I thought you were all bad. Then I found out that you are responsible for getting rid of the obnoxious and amateurish receiving line following performances at Hale Centre Theatre in West Valley. THANK YOU! I hope other local theatre companies will follow suit.

Sincerely,

A lover of professional acting practices

Dear Pokey,
      I miss you.  Come home from your Canadian Cruise.  We need to play.

-Beast

The Professor wrote on Oct 12^th, 2009 at 1:49pm:

Dear Whoever gained Access To My Wife's Credit Card Info And Made Those Unauthorized Charges: Thanks for the grief you have caused us. �If we ever should happen to meet in person, I kinda want to punch you in the face at least six times. Hope to see you real soon, The Professor

P.S.  Thanks for sending all the random crap that you bought with Mrs. The Professor's credit card to our house.  We'll try to find all the diet supplements a good home.  The coffee has already been spoken for.

The Professor wrote on Oct 26^th, 2009 at 4:11pm:

The Professor wrote on Oct 12th, 2009 at 1:49pm: Dear Whoever gained Access To My Wife's Credit Card Info And Made Those Unauthorized Charges: Thanks for the grief you have caused us. �If we ever should happen to meet in person, I kinda want to punch you in the face at least six times. Hope to see you real soon, The Professor P.S. �Thanks for sending all the random crap that you bought with Mrs. The Professor's credit card to our house. �We'll try to find all the diet supplements a good home. �The coffee has already been spoken for.

What kind of supplements?

Dear Weirdo,

Perhaps your passive-aggressive tantrum would be more successful if it didn't take me a week to realize you were having one.  Now I just feel sad for you.

Cordially,
Me

Dear playersanonymous.org,

There is no one like you.  True, you're a little slower now than you used to be, and I know it's nearly time for you to move on, but I shall miss you.  You've been an integral part of my life for about ten years.  You were there for me when I was accused of hypocrisy, when my dad died, when my marriage fell apart.  You celebrated with me when I won my first calendar vote, when I finally lost the weight, whenever I got a good role.  Because of you, I learned that Cokeman used to have a crush on me, and we even went on a date one time.  That was fun (and our waiter asked for his autograph).  I have made so many close friendships here.  I have cried and laughed and grown.  I have become a more dignified woman, more caring and more open-minded, because of my associations here.  Thank you.

Love,
Persistent

Dear struggling cast members,

Please stop sucking.  I am really tired of being so uncomfortable on stage because I'm not sure if you are going to remember your lines.  I'm tired of thinking our show could be so incredible if you would stop forgetting lines, blocking, and how to act.  I would appreciate an overall "step up" in your performance so people wouldn't laugh about our show.  Thanks!

DeronPierce

(an e-mail to Ian McDonald, creator of "Bruno the Bandit")

Dude,

Man, I'm sorry to read about the depression kicking in again.  Must be a freakin' epidemic here, 'cause I just read not long ago Corey Pandolph is going through about the same thing with depression, and he's just not making cartooning pay off either, to boot.

I wish I knew what to tell you, because I know one of the last thing depressed people (myself, included) hate to hear is, "Cheer up!" or "It's not that bad." or "Other people have it bad, too." (this last one is the worst).

If it helps, and if it encourages you any, let me lay some true stuff on you.  I've followed Bruno since day one, and while it doesn't always elicit a "guffaw" or even a "chuckle," (comedy is not easy) there is that certain grain of truth (sometimes a cluster of it) in every strip.  My favorite sitcoms of all time are like that, especially the granddaddy of American satire, "All in the Family."  Sometimes that show had more shocked gasps than uproarious laughter over one of Archie's malapropisms.

I deeply respect and admire that the strip has become more overtly satirical, and your voice has really come out through these strips.  In particular, I can see this issue with marijuana must be the most difficult one for you to address.  I'm not sure why, but this has an odd feel of being a deeply personal issue, even more so than anything you've put up yet, and like any other work of art you are laying yourself out for the world to see.  This is art at its bravest, and I salute you for it.

Anyway, just to let you know, whatever I can do for you, you got it.

Hang in there.

Dear Passive-Aggressive Jackass,

Please stop being a passive-aggressive jackass. It is very transparent and incredibly unappreciated. It is not our fault you are old and bitter and not very funny at all.

With irritation,
Kaylee

Dear Kaylee the Cowardess:

Anonymous recipients might know whom you're talking about if you'd address them directly...

Or is this part of your "passive-aggressive" joke?  ;)

WC

Wc365 wrote on Nov 12^th, 2009 at 4:31pm:

Dear Kaylee the Cowardess: Anonymous recipients might know whom you're talking about if you'd address them directly... Or is this part of your "passive-aggressive" joke? �;) WC

What is your big deal about the anonymous threads on this board lately anyway? Who cares? Sometimes people just need to vent. If my obscurity makes somebody paranoid, that's not my fault.

The Kaylee and the Ivy wrote on Nov 12^th, 2009 at 4:47pm:

Wc365 wrote on Nov 12th, 2009 at 4:31pm: Dear Kaylee the Cowardess: Anonymous recipients might know whom you're talking about if you'd address them directly... Or is this part of your "passive-aggressive" joke? �;) WC What is your big deal about the anonymous threads on this board lately anyway? Who cares? Sometimes people just need to vent. If my obscurity makes somebody paranoid, that's not my fault.

Good point.  Carry on.

Dear Audience Member checking your voicemail during my show,

I'm sure you are some important big wig of a fortune 500 company with many responsibilities and enough stock options to support 5 families for hundreds of years, but do you really have to check your voicemail on the 3rd row of the theatre during a scene where the performers are right below you and everyone can see you?  I can understand that you are super important and us mere actors are not worth your important, expensive time, but could you do me a favor and meet me in a dark alley sometime?  There are some things I would like to violently do to you.  Thanks!

Dear Government,

Butt out of my life.  I am an adult and am capable of making these decisions for myself.  I do not need you - any of you - to make them for me, so just back the crappity smack off already.

Sincerely,
Me

wrote on Nov 30^th, 2009 at 9:07am:

Dear Government, Butt out of my life. �I am an adult and am capable of making these decisions for myself. �I do not need you - any of you - to make them for me, so just back the crappity smack off already. Sincerely, Me

Dear Xena,

As a middle-aged male who has never had a uterus or any other woman-parts, I feel that I need to disagree with you.  I know WAY better what to do with your body and life than you do.

LGA.

p.s. Please vote for me, as I'll be running for government soon!

MRC wrote on Nov 30^th, 2009 at 10:32am:

wrote on Nov 30th, 2009 at 9:07am: Dear Government, Butt out of my life. �I am an adult and am capable of making these decisions for myself. �I do not need you - any of you - to make them for me, so just back the crappity smack off already. Sincerely, Me Dear Xena, As a middle-aged male who has never had a uterus or any other woman-parts, I feel that I need to disagree with you. �I know WAY better what to do with your body and life than you do. LGA. p.s. Please vote for me, as I'll be running for government soon!

I had no idea that the government was forcing women to get boob jobs.

Lady M. wrote on Nov 30^th, 2009 at 12:04pm:

I had no idea that the government was forcing women to get boob jobs.

Hey!  I never voted for that, and I'm extremely upset I never got the chance to, because I'd have voted for that sucker with both hands!

Dear Elected Asshats,

$400-million dollars to transition teens into adults?  Are you crappity smacking kidding me?  You're fired!

Sincerely,
Me

Dear People Who Are Offended By My Bursts of Profanity,

Sorry.

Sincerely,
Me

wrote on Nov 30^th, 2009 at 5:47pm:

Dear Elected Asshats, $400-million dollars to transition teens into adults? �Are you crappity smacking kidding me? �You're fired! Sincerely, Me

Ignorance and poverty is much more expensive.  

wrote on Nov 30^th, 2009 at 5:47pm:

Dear Elected Asshats, $400-million dollars to transition teens into adults? �Are you crappity smacking kidding me? �You're fired! Sincerely, Me

Dear Teens,

Don't let people make you think you are incapable of becoming functioning adults on your own.  I did it.  My parents did it.  My parents' parents did it.

Do not allow the government to turn you into a codependent leech.  And don't allow people to make you feel that you will end up failing and broke if you don't get aid.

Give yourself more credit than that.

Sincerely,
Been there

Dear Teens in poverty,

Don't take the Government's money because a white Christian female who married a white Christian male and who came from a family not in poverty was able to make it without Government help, so you should be able to too.

Dear people who grew up with opportunities,

Please try to be more empathetic toward people who have less than you do.

Love,
A couple who came from poverty and had government help with education and transition and is now independently contributing a lot more money to taxes and the economy than most people because we had HELP in the beginning. �


P.S. Thank you to those who had faith in us. �It worked. �We didn't become dependent AND we paid back the taxpayers in full with interest.

Sorry to those that we just slammed, but this is a very personal thing for Mojo and me.  Neither of us would have been able to get an education or break out of our conditions without government help.  If you know us at all, you know that we have been financially successful and independent for two decades and in the upper middle class most of our married life.   It isn't wrong to give help or get help to start in life.  We both came from families below the poverty line.  Mojo is the only person in his family for generations to go to college.  The statistics are very low for anyone being able to do this on their own.

If you have ever used unemployment or welfare you can probably understand how necessary it can be at times to get a little help to get back on your feet.  Transitional programs are an awesome way for teens in a bad economy to get a start.  $400 million is a drop in the bucket compared to other government costs.  I'd rather have my tax dollars go to these kind of programs than billions of dollars a month going to war, for example. Please put things in perspective and show some sympathy and love and positive thinking for our future!

wrote on Nov 30^th, 2009 at 5:47pm:

Dear Elected Asshats, $400-million dollars to transition teens into adults?  Are you crappity smacking kidding me?  You're fired! Sincerely, Me

shimmer wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 11:34am:

Dear Teens, Don't let people make you think you are incapable of becoming functioning adults on your own.  I did it.  My parents did it.  My parents' parents did it. Do not allow the government to turn you into a codependent leech.  And don't allow people to make you feel that you will end up failing and broke if you don't get aid. Give yourself more credit than that. Sincerely, Been there

Mojo Jojo wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 12:24pm:

Dear Teens in poverty, Don't take the Government's money because a white Christian female who married a white Christian male and who came from a family not in poverty was able to make it without Government help, so you should be able to too.

Lady M. wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 12:35pm:

Dear people who grew up with opportunities, Please try to be more empathetic toward people who have less than you do. Love, A couple who came from poverty and had government help with education and transition and is now independently contributing a lot more money to taxes and the economy than most people because we had HELP in the beginning.   P.S. Thank you to those who had faith in us.  It worked.  We didn't become dependent AND we paid back the taxpayers in full with interest.

Dear You guys,

What?

xo
Me

Dear You-Know-Who-You-Ares,

People who make it out of poverty, with or without mandated government interference/assistance, do so because they are strong, driven, determined people or drug dealers & whores, NOT because the government instigated a program to teach teenagers how to survive puberty.  Yes, I am insulted and offended by you, personally and collectively.

Sincerely,
Me

wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 2:10pm:

Dear You-Know-Who-You-Ares, People who make it out of poverty, with or without mandated government interference/assistance, do so because they are strong, driven, determined people or drug dealers & whores, NOT because the government instigated a program to teach teenagers how to survive puberty. �Yes, I am insulted and offended by you, personally and collectively. Sincerely, Me

Wow.  With just a month to go!

Dear Whoever-thinks-they-know-me.... but-doesn't,

Don't assume I think all financial aid is bad just because I am encouraging people to try to do things on their own.

I also had government-funded medical care with my first pregnancy because my husband was a grad student who's tuition was being paid by the university, thus, he wasn't allowed to get a job outside of the research he did. �And then I had to have a c-section, which would have cost me $35,000+ out-of-pocket. �We paid our taxes before and we do so now (fully).

I'm just saying.... whatever happened to the American dream that was driven by strong work ethic, self-worth, etc.? �I worked VERY hard to be in the position I am now (an underwater mortgage and constant fear of being in the red.... ah, yes. �I'm a middle class white girl. �I can't complain, right)? �

Oh, and P.S. Please don't tell people to learn to empathize unless you know you have mastered that characteristic.

P.P.S. �Is it time to move this to R/E/P so I can ignore it now...? � ;) �

wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 2:10pm:

Dear You-Know-Who-You-Ares, People who make it out of poverty, with or without mandated government interference/assistance, do so because they are strong, driven, determined people or drug dealers & whores, NOT because the government instigated a program to teach teenagers how to survive puberty. �Yes, I am insulted and offended by you, personally and collectively. Sincerely, Me

Seriously, you are offended?

Dear Xena,
      I miss you.  I haven't seen you in a really long time.  I hope you are still coming to the party on Friday.  It is at my house which means you won't have to drive on the freeway.

-Beast

Quote:

Oh, and P.S. Please don't tell people to learn to empathize unless you know you have mastered that characteristic.

Does someone really need to be perfect in order to be an advocate for empathy toward others?  How much money or time do I need to spend in service before I can plead for love and empathy for those who need help?  

It would be truly sad if people had to be masters of every good quality before they were allowed to ask for a better world.

Folks,

What is going on?  What's this thing y'all are talkin' about?  Evidently it's not just hypothetical like I thought.

JNY

Mister Grinch wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 3:42pm:

Folks, What is going on? �What's this thing y'all are talkin' about? �Evidently it's not just hypothetical like I thought. JNY

Who knows for sure? �It's a little frustrating when someone just flings out curses and anger and states a sum of money... but if the money amount is any indication, it's just somethin' that several pundits right now are simplifying and making out to be all socialistic and evil as usual. �You know... the big, dark, ugly government who is allocating money to slaying teens by sending them to a useless war educating teens and helping them to transition into jobs and all that kind of horrible communist stuff.

We thought that when Xena used "f*ck" as clarification and flung accusations with such vehemence, maybe she was inviting other strong open opinions too, but apparently not.

Mister Grinch wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 3:42pm:

Folks, What is going on? �What's this thing y'all are talkin' about? �Evidently it's not just hypothetical like I thought. JNY

I found this:  http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34209992/ns/health-health_care/  I don't know if this is necessarily a reliable source.  But apparently what is being alluded to.

Lady M. wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 4:19pm:

Mister Grinch wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 3:42pm: Folks, What is going on? �What's this thing y'all are talkin' about? �Evidently it's not just hypothetical like I thought. JNY Who knows for sure? �It's a little frustrating when someone just flings out curses and anger and states a sum of money... but if the money amount is any indication, it's just somethin' that several pundits right now are simplifying and making out to be all socialistic and evil as usual. �You know... the big, dark, ugly government who is allocating money to slaying teens by sending them to a useless war educating teens and helping them to transition into jobs and all that kind of horrible communist stuff. We thought that when Xena used "f*ck" as clarification and flung accusations with such vehemence, maybe she was inviting other strong open opinions, but apparently not. �

Well I've been googling "teens + transition" which gets me to some nice gender non-conformist blogs, and "government funding teens" which gets me to info about gov. programs for inner city youth and foster youth, and I googled "government plan funding for teens" and got a lot of the same links as the second attempt, and I'm leery of googling "government funding teens puberty" at work, but I don't know how to find info on this evidently hot-topic issue  AND I'M SO CONFUSED because people are angry and I don't know how to deal with that because we never got angry or confrontational in my parent's home and I feel like hiding, but I transitioned to an adult long ago and know I can't hide when people yell because I'm scared, because sometimes it means they love each other.

But frankly I'm stymied as to where to look to educate myself on this.

spiker wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 4:26pm:

Mister Grinch wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 3:42pm: Folks, What is going on? �What's this thing y'all are talkin' about? �Evidently it's not just hypothetical like I thought. JNY I found this: �http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34209992/ns/health-health_care/ �I don't know if this is necessarily a reliable source. �But apparently what is being alluded to.

That link didn't work for me.  :-?

Lady M. wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 4:31pm:

spiker wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 4:26pm: Mister Grinch wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 3:42pm: Folks, What is going on? �What's this thing y'all are talkin' about? �Evidently it's not just hypothetical like I thought. JNY I found this: �http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34209992/ns/health-health_care/ �I don't know if this is necessarily a reliable source. �But apparently what is being alluded to. That link didn't work for me. �:-?

And apparently there's a conspiracy because it worked for me when I posted it and now doesn't work.  Search for "7 items you didn't know were in the senate bill".

spiker wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 4:33pm:

Lady M. wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 4:31pm: spiker wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 4:26pm: Mister Grinch wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 3:42pm: Folks, What is going on? �What's this thing y'all are talkin' about? �Evidently it's not just hypothetical like I thought. JNY I found this: �http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34209992/ns/health-health_care/ �I don't know if this is necessarily a reliable source. �But apparently what is being alluded to. That link didn't work for me. �:-? And apparently there's a conspiracy because it worked for me when I posted it and now doesn't work. �Search for "7 items you didn't know were in the senate bill".

Okay, well if Xena was talking about money being allocated to sex education for teens, that sum comes to $400 million as well. �Huzzah for that, I say! �It's a small amount to put into it, but if it's better than the sex ed we have, yay! � �Obama has also been trying for some time to provide $400 million for the development and expansion of Transitional Jobs programs for people with barriers to employment and provide experience so that youth in areas of high unemployment areas can receive training through summer jobs with part of the stimulus package. �This is what Mojo and I were talking about. �

Either way, I'm all for helping our teens and providing them with better education and more experience. �But if it is about the whole sex scandal sex education thing, I need to read the exact wording and see if the fits some pundits are having are really paranoia or something to think about.

Lady M. wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 4:46pm:

spiker wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 4:33pm: Lady M. wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 4:31pm: spiker wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 4:26pm: Mister Grinch wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 3:42pm: Folks, What is going on? �What's this thing y'all are talkin' about? �Evidently it's not just hypothetical like I thought. JNY I found this: �http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34209992/ns/health-health_care/ �I don't know if this is necessarily a reliable source. �But apparently what is being alluded to. That link didn't work for me. �:-? And apparently there's a conspiracy because it worked for me when I posted it and now doesn't work. �Search for "7 items you didn't know were in the senate bill". Okay, well if Xena was talking about money being allocated to sex education for teens, that sum comes to $400 million as well. �Huzzah for that, I say! �It's a small amount to put into it, but if it's better than the sex ed we have, yay! � �Obama has also been trying for some time to provide $400 million for the development and expansion of Transitional Jobs programs for people with barriers to employment and provide experience so that youth in areas of high unemployment areas can receive training through summer jobs with part of the stimulus package. �This is what Mojo and I were talking about. � Either way, I'm all for helping our teens and providing them with better education and more experience. �But if it is about the whole sex scandal sex education thing, I need to read the exact wording and see if the fits some pundits are having are really paranoia or something to think about.

Hmm, the link worked for me.  I... and maybe this should go to the stupid board under confessions... but I don't see, just on that short paragraph, what would be iresome.  Can someone please explain it to me?  I freely admit that I'm dumb when it comes to stuff like this.

And I'd really like more info on it, since it's obviously important.

Mister Grinch wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 5:09pm:

Hmm, the link worked for me. �I... and maybe this should go to the stupid board under confessions... but I don't see, just on that short paragraph, what would be iresome. �Can someone please explain it to me? �I freely admit that I'm dumb when it comes to stuff like this. And I'd really like more info on it, since it's obviously important.

Is this the paragraph you found?


Quote:

Learning To Be An Adult Being a teenager is tough. The Senate wants to help with a provision allocating $400 million from 2010 to 2015 to help teens make the transition to adulthood. The money goes to states primarily to set up sex education programs. But the money can also be used for "adult preparation" programs that promote "positive self esteem, relationship dynamics, friendships, dating, romantic involvement, marriage and family interaction." In addition, the programs can teach financial literacy and other skills such as goal setting, decision-making and stress management. About $10 million of funding would go to "innovative youth pregnancy prevention strategies" in areas of the country with high teen birth rates. The Personal Responsibility Education for Adulthood Training funding was approved as an amendment in the Senate Finance Committee. Republican Sen. Olympia Snowe of Maine joined all the Democrats in passing it.

None of that sounds bad. �Especially to someone who works in psychology research and is going into social work. However, (and I may be wrong), Senator Orrin Hatch apparently introduced an amendment to the bill back in June that said "sex education" should be taught as abstinence only. � If that is the case, then it is irksome, because abstinence only education has already been proven to be a complete failure. �So that might irk me a bit, but not until I verify it.

Then I read that some groups are accusing the government of teaching homosexuality in the schools through this program. �Well, that is utter nonsense, of course. But maybe that's why some people are irked?

Obviously this will take more research. �As it stands right now it sounds like nothing to get pissed over. �$400 million is such a teeny tiny amount of money it's almost ridiculous to get excited about. There are such bigger issues and such larger sums of money at stake right now.  It's interesting how people pick these little things to get upset over, but that might have to do with the attempt going on right now to down the bill by the opposition.

Lady M. wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 5:30pm:

Mister Grinch wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 5:09pm: Hmm, the link worked for me. �I... and maybe this should go to the stupid board under confessions... but I don't see, just on that short paragraph, what would be iresome. �Can someone please explain it to me? �I freely admit that I'm dumb when it comes to stuff like this. And I'd really like more info on it, since it's obviously important. Is this the paragraph you found? Quote: Learning To Be An Adult Being a teenager is tough. The Senate wants to help with a provision allocating $400 million from 2010 to 2015 to help teens make the transition to adulthood. The money goes to states primarily to set up sex education programs. But the money can also be used for "adult preparation" programs that promote "positive self esteem, relationship dynamics, friendships, dating, romantic involvement, marriage and family interaction." In addition, the programs can teach financial literacy and other skills such as goal setting, decision-making and stress management. About $10 million of funding would go to "innovative youth pregnancy prevention strategies" in areas of the country with high teen birth rates. The Personal Responsibility Education for Adulthood Training funding was approved as an amendment in the Senate Finance Committee. Republican Sen. Olympia Snowe of Maine joined all the Democrats in passing it. None of that sounds bad. �Especially to someone who works in psychology research and is going into social work. However, (and I may be wrong), Senator Orrin Hatch apparently introduced an amendment to the bill back in June that said "sex education" should be taught as abstinence only. � If that is the case, then it is irksome, because abstinence only education has already been proven to be a complete failure. �So that might irk me a bit, but not until I verify it. Then I read that some groups are accusing the government of teaching homosexuality in the schools through this program. �Well, that is utter nonsense, of course. But maybe that's why some people are irked? Obviously this will take more research. �As it stands right now it sounds like nothing to get pissed over. �$400 million is such a teeny tiny amount of money it's almost ridiculous to get excited about. There are such bigger issues and such larger sums of money at stake right now. �It's interesting how people pick these little things to get upset over, but that might have to do with the attempt going on right now to down the bill by the opposition.

If you look in the fine print, this would allow the "Obama Youth" to come into houses in the middle of the night, kill white people, and pay their medical bills.

Quote:

If you look in the fine print, this would allow the "Obama Youth" to come into houses in the middle of the night, kill white people, and pay their medical bills.

That just made my day.  Thanks, DK.  

Dear fellow American citizens,

Democracy is a compromise.  For everything it does you like, there will be something it does you don't like.  And the stuff you dislike may be the stuff I like, and the stuff you like may be the stuff I dislike.  This means everybody is a little bit happy, and a little bit disappointed.  If you don't like it, you don't like democracy, in which case another form of government will probably appeal to you more.  As Americans, we grouse about it, but we're supposed to be pragmatists not polemicists, and because it works, we accept it for what it is, despite the compromises.  There are those in America whose grousing about the compromises of democracy have reached a point of anger, if not rage.  I would suggest to those of my fellow citizens who feel thusly that choosing polemics over pragmatics, purity to compromise, and rage over grousing, are not going to be happy unless the basic democratic premise of the U.S. Constitution is overturned, or until you leave this democracy for another country and another form of government.  I would warn those who wish to overturn democracy in the U.S. that you will literally have to do so over my dead body, because I will fight you to either my death or yours to protect our crappy, compromised, lousy little democracy.  And I dislike the U.S. -- imagine what a REAL patriot will do!

Get over it,
A grousing pragmatist

Misanthrope wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 6:58pm:

Dear fellow American citizens, Democracy is a compromise. �For everything it does you like, there will be something it does you don't like. �And the stuff you dislike may be the stuff I like, and the stuff you like may be the stuff I dislike. �This means everybody is a little bit happy, and a little bit disappointed. �If you don't like it, you don't like democracy, in which case another form of government will probably appeal to you more. �As Americans, we grouse about it, but we're supposed to be pragmatists not polemicists, and because it works, we accept it for what it is, despite the compromises. �There are those in America whose grousing about the compromises of democracy have reached a point of anger, if not rage. �I would suggest to those of my fellow citizens who feel thusly that choosing polemics over pragmatics, purity to compromise, and rage over grousing, are not going to be happy unless the basic democratic premise of the U.S. Constitution is overturned, or until you leave this democracy for another country and another form of government. �I would warn those who wish to overturn democracy in the U.S. that you will literally have to do so over my dead body, because I will fight you to either my death or yours to protect our crappy, compromised, lousy little democracy. �And I dislike the U.S. -- imagine what a REAL patriot will do! Get over it, A grousing pragmatist

[smiley=thumbup.gif]

Mister Grinch wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 5:09pm:

Lady M. wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 4:46pm: spiker wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 4:33pm: Lady M. wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 4:31pm: spiker wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 4:26pm: Mister Grinch wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 3:42pm: Folks, What is going on? �What's this thing y'all are talkin' about? �Evidently it's not just hypothetical like I thought. JNY I found this: �http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34209992/ns/health-health_care/ �I don't know if this is necessarily a reliable source. �But apparently what is being alluded to. That link didn't work for me. �:-? And apparently there's a conspiracy because it worked for me when I posted it and now doesn't work. �Search for "7 items you didn't know were in the senate bill". Okay, well if Xena was talking about money being allocated to sex education for teens, that sum comes to $400 million as well. �Huzzah for that, I say! �It's a small amount to put into it, but if it's better than the sex ed we have, yay! � �Obama has also been trying for some time to provide $400 million for the development and expansion of Transitional Jobs programs for people with barriers to employment and provide experience so that youth in areas of high unemployment areas can receive training through summer jobs with part of the stimulus package. �This is what Mojo and I were talking about. � Either way, I'm all for helping our teens and providing them with better education and more experience. �But if it is about the whole sex scandal sex education thing, I need to read the exact wording and see if the fits some pundits are having are really paranoia or something to think about. Hmm, the link worked for me. �I... and maybe this should go to the stupid board under confessions... but I don't see, just on that short paragraph, what would be iresome. �Can someone please explain it to me? �I freely admit that I'm dumb when it comes to stuff like this. And I'd really like more info on it, since it's obviously important.

I guess I'd have to read the fine print because I don't see what the problem is either.  I think, given our current economic situation, that giving teenagers a little more information/preparation re: how to get along in the world where college tuition is going up and making that less of an option for many, and at the same time the job market has tanked--seems like a great idea.  Many of us successfully made the transition to adulthood without any type of government assistance, but we did so in a very different economy.  My college tuition was $1500 per year and I found a job (not even one in my field) 3 months after I graduated.

Dear Rich and Delicious Food,

Why do you keep begging me to eat you when my stomach, with oldness and fatness, causes me extraordinary pain through the embarrassing condition of GERDS? �Have you no mercy? �Why must you dance, naked and tempting among the holidays, with sugar-coated bells on your toes and the gloss of pure butter on your shining limbs? �Oh, Food, you siren of gout, you temptress of stroke, you seductress of diabetes and gallstones! �Dance, dance, dance away and hide behind the strings of haricot vert, the leafy greens, and the earthy roots in my cellar.

In Agony,
Lady M.

spiker wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 7:21pm:

Mister Grinch wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 5:09pm: Lady M. wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 4:46pm: spiker wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 4:33pm: Lady M. wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 4:31pm: spiker wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 4:26pm: Mister Grinch wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 3:42pm: Folks, What is going on? �What's this thing y'all are talkin' about? �Evidently it's not just hypothetical like I thought. JNY I found this: �http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34209992/ns/health-health_care/ �I don't know if this is necessarily a reliable source. �But apparently what is being alluded to. That link didn't work for me. �:-? And apparently there's a conspiracy because it worked for me when I posted it and now doesn't work. �Search for "7 items you didn't know were in the senate bill". Okay, well if Xena was talking about money being allocated to sex education for teens, that sum comes to $400 million as well. �Huzzah for that, I say! �It's a small amount to put into it, but if it's better than the sex ed we have, yay! � �Obama has also been trying for some time to provide $400 million for the development and expansion of Transitional Jobs programs for people with barriers to employment and provide experience so that youth in areas of high unemployment areas can receive training through summer jobs with part of the stimulus package. �This is what Mojo and I were talking about. � Either way, I'm all for helping our teens and providing them with better education and more experience. �But if it is about the whole sex scandal sex education thing, I need to read the exact wording and see if the fits some pundits are having are really paranoia or something to think about. Hmm, the link worked for me. �I... and maybe this should go to the stupid board under confessions... but I don't see, just on that short paragraph, what would be iresome. �Can someone please explain it to me? �I freely admit that I'm dumb when it comes to stuff like this. And I'd really like more info on it, since it's obviously important. I guess I'd have to read the fine print because I don't see what the problem is either. �I think, given our current economic situation, that giving teenagers a little more information/preparation re: how to get along in the world where college tuition is going up and making that less of an option for many, and at the same time the job market has tanked--seems like a great idea. �Many of us successfully made the transition to adulthood without any type of government assistance, but we did so in a very different economy. �My college tuition was $1500 per year and I found a job (not even one in my field) 3 months after I graduated.

Exactly.  Maybe if they used a little more "truth in advertising" it would go over better.  Like "The Explaining to teenagers that they can borrow a quarter million dollars for college and not get a job, or they can go straight into poverty from high school, but recent legislation made it impossible to get out from under educational or credit card debt whether they have a job or not, ha ha ha no really it's sad but get used to being reamed because that's they way the system is set up -- to ream you royally, repeatedly, for your whole life Act" might make it more palatable.

Quote:

Exactly. �Maybe if they used a little more "truth in advertising" it would go over better. �Like "The Explaining to teenagers that they can borrow a quarter million dollars for college and not get a job, or they can go straight into poverty from high school, but recent legislation made it impossible to get out from under educational or credit card debt whether they have a job or not, ha ha ha no really it's sad but get used to being reamed because that's they way the system is set up -- to ream you royally, repeatedly, for your whole life Act" might make it more palatable.

Dear Snide Cranberry,

Did the GOP block on the freeze of credit card rates also extend to education loans?

-- Confused Liberal in GOPland Valley

Lady M. wrote on Dec 1^st, 2009 at 7:45pm:

Quote: Exactly. �Maybe if they used a little more "truth in advertising" it would go over better. �Like "The Explaining to teenagers that they can borrow a quarter million dollars for college and not get a job, or they can go straight into poverty from high school, but recent legislation made it impossible to get out from under educational or credit card debt whether they have a job or not, ha ha ha no really it's sad but get used to being reamed because that's they way the system is set up -- to ream you royally, repeatedly, for your whole life Act" might make it more palatable. Dear Snide Cranberry, Did the GOP block on the freeze of credit card rates also extend to education loans? -- Confused Liberal in GOPland Valley

No, when the GOP Congress (way back in the GWB years) revised bankruptcy laws they made it so that credit card and student loan debt cannot be forgiven even if you declare bankruptcy. �I call it the "Oh Yes You CAN Get Blood From A Stone If We Say So" bankruptcy provision. �You can be long-term unemployed, sick, disabled -- you still have to pay your credit card and student loans. �It only dies when you pay it off, or you die.

Also known as the "GOP Encourages People In Financial Trouble To Commit Suicide Act".

Misanthrope wrote on Dec 2^nd, 2009 at 2:54am:

Lady M. wrote on Dec 1st, 2009 at 7:45pm: Quote: Exactly. �Maybe if they used a little more "truth in advertising" it would go over better. �Like "The Explaining to teenagers that they can borrow a quarter million dollars for college and not get a job, or they can go straight into poverty from high school, but recent legislation made it impossible to get out from under educational or credit card debt whether they have a job or not, ha ha ha no really it's sad but get used to being reamed because that's they way the system is set up -- to ream you royally, repeatedly, for your whole life Act" might make it more palatable. Dear Snide Cranberry, Did the GOP block on the freeze of credit card rates also extend to education loans? -- Confused Liberal in GOPland Valley No, when the GOP Congress (way back in the GWB years) revised bankruptcy laws they made it so that credit card and student loan debt cannot be forgiven even if you declare bankruptcy. �I call it the "Oh Yes You CAN Get Blood From A Stone If We Say So" bankruptcy provision. �You can be long-term unemployed, sick, disabled -- you still have to pay your credit card and student loans. �It only dies when you pay it off, or you die. Also known as the "GOP Encourages People In Financial Trouble To Commit Suicide Act".

Ohhhh, that. �Yes. �True story. �I had the recent freeze-block on my mind so...yeah. �GOP stands for Greedy Ornery People, right?

Dear Spiker,

What you are saying really struck me as well.  I sometimes feel like I am the luckiest person in the world to have gone to college and started "real" life in the late 80s and then spent over 20 year of the beginning of my marriage in booming economic times.  My daughter is going into medical school during an economic crisis and a shaky future with a battle over healthcare.  She (and we) are going to be investing in a very expensive and long education with a less stable outlook.  

-- Person who is a few year older than you but not wiser.

Dear Players Anonymous,

As a 2010 New Year's Resolution, I will be deleting myself on the morning of �December 31st, 2009. �I post WAY too much on PA and have vowed to not post in 2010. �Any who wish to join me in this resolution should do the same. �It will be liberating for those of us who have never deleted ourselves.

Sincerest Goodbyes,

-Beast

Dear Players Anonymous,

I'm really tired of people blaming collective-you for hurt feelings, wasted time, attacks, etc. etc. etc.
(Each etc. represents an amount of ridiculousness I cannot even begin to mathematically calculate or articulate.)

I am grateful for all the theater opportunities you've given me, dear website; for all the friendships you've given me, even when I was too painfully shy/freaked out/busy to attend the live parties, you've always been there the next day to let me talk and participate.

I am grateful for your patient webmasters, who put up with complaints, outbursts, personal attacks, and the like, all because they dare to have opinions and express themselves, all because we feel like they should exactly agree with us, all because we expect them to be more than human. They have provided us with a FREE (speaking in cost AND right-to-speak) space to be ourselves, form friendships and groups of friends, and resolve big problems with local theaters who would be otherwise unwilling to change. Are the webmasters perfect? No. What a relief they are not - they have their mistakes and foibles just like the rest of us. I've only ever observed them trying to include others as much as possible.

I have deleted myself and withdrawn and my reasons for doing so were mine. I left to resolve my issues and returned when it worked for me. I never blamed my issues on the website or the group or the moderators here. I wear THAT as my 'website-badge-of-honor'. I don't regret my time here, I don't regret deleting myself. I do regret not speaking the truth more, not having the courage to say what I really thought.

I resolve to have the courage. I resolve to unabashedly rid myself of false friendships. I resolve to not blame others for my choices.

I owe you a lot, PA. Others may not, I certainly do.

Love,
DirectorSkate, Hot Lips, Kissy, Sweet Kate

PS. I also resolve to not use so many run-on sentences in my posts...

Dear Xena,

I recommend professional help. And soon.

My email has not changed since you last had it. Please feel free to privately message me for some good recommendations.

Mild Regards,
A former friend

Rosie Poppins wrote on Dec 3^rd, 2009 at 11:41am:

I recommend professional help. And soon.

Dear Kate -

I adore you.  I love you.  I really do.  You never offend me, and I have always loved our relationship in work & play.  You're a beautiful person inside & out.  I like you so much that I even let you make out with my husband right in front of me... onstage.  ;)  And if it weren't for you, the avatar "shimmer" wouldn't exist and so many people would have one less punching bag.   ::)

But was it really necessary to make a request like that above in a public forum...?

Love,
shimmer

shimmer wrote on Dec 3^rd, 2009 at 11:50am:

Rosie Poppins wrote on Dec 3rd, 2009 at 11:41am: I recommend professional help. And soon. Dear Kate - I adore you. �I love you. �I really do. �You never offend me, and I have always loved our relationship in work & play. �You're a beautiful person inside & out. �I like you so much that I even let you make out with my husband right in front of me... onstage. �;) �And if it weren't for you, the avatar "shimmer" wouldn't exist and so many people would have one less punching bag. � ::) But was it really necessary to make a request like that above in a public forum...? Love, shimmer

Dear Shimmer,

Thanks for the kind words.

Xena's public behavior has caused me concern because of my extensive personal and professional experience with mental illness. My request was not a personal attack. If I saw someone with a physical injury, I would recommend a trip to the doctor. That would not be offensive... I see Xena exhibiting signs of illness, I have good recommendations for a health provider. That was all.
(On a related note, she long ago placed me in her 'not a friend anymore' category, so I do not think it offensive to sign my post that way.)

Further, and I say this with the kindest tone possible and a lot of affection behind it: I think had I spoken up more in the past, you would have been offended on a regular basis. I wonder how that would have affected my being a beautiful person?

For the record, I have always loved our work and playtime, too. I find you funny and talented and hope that our friendship can continue on a new foundation of honesty.  :-*

Love,
Sweet Kate

Dear Kate -

As someone who just spent the majority of her 2nd child's 1st year of life having to go to therapy, I'm not knocking it.  I think everyone could (and should) benefit from it. It's a wonderful thing. But let's not pretend, whether we like it or not, that there isn't a stigma about "mental help."  Because there is.  Trust me.  I've had to spend the last year saying, "I had PPD so bad I had to be on medication and see a therapist" and trying to eliminate any thought in the listener's mind that I'm a "nutjob."  Just because the stigma is unnecessary and unfortunate doesn't mean it doesn't exist.  And just because I recognize that stigma and want to protect a person from it doesn't mean I am perpetuating it.  I know nothing about the relationship you may or may not have with Xena.  /shrug.  I just know that if ANYONE asks ANYONE about seeking professional help... maybe that's kind of private....?

P.S.  Dear everyone else on PA -

If only you knew that I really am not that easily offended.  My husband laughs when I tell him that I am perceived to be uppity, elitist and uptight on these boards.  There are a few things that I hold very precious, and I defend those like a patriot, it's true.  But overall, any one who TRULY knows me beyond the assumed undertone of message-board "rantings" of mine, knows that I'm actually a very happy-go-lucky, chillaxed person.

:o Shocking, I know.

Dear Kate,

Most of the women on this board whom I have not yet met have often been like the women on SYTYCD to me.  It's great that they do their thing, but I can never remember who is who, or what their names are or really care about one over the other.

Starting today, I know your name.

Admiringly,

Ender

not to any one....

Dear Yesterday,

You're lucky that you have left, because you are on my $#!T list for being a total dick.  Your friend Today better watch it too... not looking so bright either.

Regards,
Me

PS... If you see the Enders, tell them we're sad they left NY, even though we rarely saw them.  :(

Quote:

I post WAY too much on PA and have vowed to not post in 2010.

Me too.  In fact, I vow not to look at PA once in 2010 or ever again after that!

Dear Shimmer,
I totally get where you are coming from. I long ago threw out the stigma (it's well over 100 years since solid advances in mental health have helped us understand it's really not the patient's fault they are ill.) I refuse to continue it/aid it by getting weird about it and invite you to join me in helping to refute such ridiculous notions!
Love,
Kate

Dear Ender,

Thank you.
:-*

Smirkingly,
Kate

Dear members of PA,

Do not forget that most online-dramas are readily solved by in-person meetings.  It is amazing to me how many times we can dish/take vicious attacks here and then meet in person with hugs and love and slopping.

With hope for tonight,
Sweet Kate

Dear Theatre:  
    Thank you for inviting me to callbacks. It was interesting to be called back for one of two girl parts, along with over 10 other girls.

However

What bullshit were you really trying to pull at the end of the three hour callback when your director said she may be playing one of the two mentioned parts? That was not something that all of a sudden came to mind while during the callbacks. You knew that it was a possibility yet you didn't say anything about that in the begining. Thanks for getting my hopes up. Enjoy directing and being in the show.  

Don't waste my time, and I won't waste yours.

Sincerly, a very disgruntled actress

PS

To the theatre again. Not only did you the director cast yourself in a show you cast the other female part from NO ONE THAT WAS ASKED FOR CALLBACKS! Seriously? You wasted over 10 girls time just to cast yourself and someone that is your friend? BULLSHIT!!!!

Dear Co-Worker,

If you need to make a phone call to you doctor about the procedure you're having next week and whether or not you can have sex after it because you're going away with your husband for your anniversary, perhaps it would be best to have that conversation on your cell phone in a stair well rather than on your work phone for all to hear.

Best regards,

Cheeky

Only In Las Vegas wrote on Dec 7^th, 2009 at 12:44pm:

PS To the theatre again. Not only did you the director cast yourself in a show you cast the other female part from NO ONE THAT WAS ASKED FOR CALLBACKS! Seriously? You wasted over 10 girls time just to cast yourself and someone that is your friend? BULLSHIT!!!!

WHAT SHOW?! WHERE!?

The Heathenist wrote on Dec 9^th, 2009 at 10:35am:

Only In Las Vegas wrote on Dec 7th, 2009 at 12:44pm: PS To the theatre again. Not only did you the director cast yourself in a show you cast the other female part from NO ONE THAT WAS ASKED FOR CALLBACKS! Seriously? You wasted over 10 girls time just to cast yourself and someone that is your friend? BULLSHIT!!!! WHAT SHOW?! WHERE!?

South Jordan Community Theatre, You're a Good Man Charlie Brown, the director is Toni Butler

I got callbacks attended and at the very end of the audition she then tells the 10 plus girls that are there that there was a possibility that she would be playing one of the (2) parts.

Cast list goes up on Monday, and low and behold there is Toni's name listed as Sally. I do a quick google search to see who got Lucy (cause, I am curious on who got it) and it is a Candice Kugler who did not attend callbacks, but just so happens to teach at the same school as Toni and is on the Board of Directors as the Secretary for the South Jordan Community Theatre.......

So in essence, over 10 girls got callbacks for a waste of 3 hours because obviously there was no intention for any of us to get cast. You don't just cast yourself in a show and cast your friend who did not attend when you had the talent right there in front of you.

Yeah, still pissed.

Quote:

I got callbacks attended and at the very end of the audition she then tells the 10 plus girls that are there that there was a possibility that she would be playing one of the (2) parts.

Dear Always in Bubble Gum,

THANK YOU for putting into words my frustrations. I was one of the girls at callbacks. I didn't even look at the posted cast list after hearing what was said at callbacks. The whole thing was misleading. The audition notice said it was a paid gig. At the audition, they said it would be a tiny stipend and that actors would be expected to teach workshops as well. Needless to say, I was not impressed with the way these auditions were handled and will not be auditioning there again. I will not be recommending it to any other actors or any of my students either. Pre-casting is fine IF PEOPLE ARE NOTIFIED UP FRONT!! The way this was done shows a real lack of respect for others and their time.

Sincerely,

Blue Roses

BlueRoses wrote on Dec 9^th, 2009 at 5:03pm:

Quote: I got callbacks attended and at the very end of the audition she then tells the 10 plus girls that are there that there was a possibility that she would be playing one of the (2) parts. Dear Always in Bubble Gum, THANK YOU for putting into words my frustrations. I was one of the girls at callbacks. I didn't even look at the posted cast list after hearing what was said at callbacks. The whole thing was misleading. The audition notice said it was a paid gig. At the audition, they said it would be a tiny stipend and that actors would be expected to teach workshops as well. Needless to say, I was not impressed with the way these auditions were handled and will not be auditioning there again. I will not be recommending it to any other actors or any of my students either. Pre-casting is fine IF PEOPLE ARE NOTIFIED UP FRONT!! The way this was done shows a real lack of respect for others and their time. Sincerely, Blue Roses

These posts are PRECISELY the reason a site like this must continue.

Dear Wife,
You rock my world.
Rock it...(wait for it)...like a hurricane!

Love,
Your fellow partner in OCD, ADD, TV viewing habits

Dear Eye Doctor,

Handing me a box and spending 4 minutes showing me how to put in a pair of contact lenses does not really seem like it's worth $135.00 for a "contact lens fitting".

OH, and thanks for not telling me that insurance won't cover this ridiculous charge BEFORE my "fitting".  I'll be taking my perscription elsewhere to be filled.

I hate you.

Regards,

A pissed off former patient.

Dear Good Friend Whom I Invited to my Party,
� � It is pretty tasteless for you to see my party invitation and then decide that you are going to throw a party that same night and then invite everyone on my guest list, including me, to your party. �Either you really didn't think that one through, or you are deliberately being spiteful.

-Beast

PS �My house is bigger and, well... my house.

Dear friends,

I want to thank those who have given us so much during these hard months. Those who have generously donated money, time, and energy to help us. Thank you. And to our anonymous visitor last night... thank you so much for the food you left on our doorstep. It means so much to us. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Your kindness and generosity is inspiring, and I hope to have a better year in 2010 so I can pay this forward.

With love,

The Carter Family

Dear Neighbors,

If there is not a parking spot for me when I arrive home from work at midnight, because you've used the three carved out by the snowplow, I WILL key your effing cars.

Sincer'ly
Moi

Beast wrote on Dec 10^th, 2009 at 6:37pm:

Dear Good Friend Whom I Invited to my Party, � � It is pretty tasteless for you to see my party invitation and then decide that you are going to throw a party that same night and then invite everyone on my guest list, including me, to your party. �Either you really didn't think that one through, or you are deliberately being spiteful. -Beast PS �My house is bigger and, well... my house.

I really hope this isn't directed to the person to whom I think it is...because that party was actually planned long before the formal invitations went out...  :-/

FRANta Claus wrote on Dec 21^st, 2009 at 1:29pm:

Beast wrote on Dec 10th, 2009 at 6:37pm: Dear Good Friend Whom I Invited to my Party, � � It is pretty tasteless for you to see my party invitation and then decide that you are going to throw a party that same night and then invite everyone on my guest list, including me, to your party. �Either you really didn't think that one through, or you are deliberately being spiteful. -Beast PS �My house is bigger and, well... my house. I really hope this isn't directed to the person to whom I think it is...because that party was actually planned long before the formal invitations went out... �:-/

Also, if this IS the person I'm thinking of, there is NOTHING spiteful going on.  Like I said--if it IS, their party was planned a long time ago.  The end. :)

Dear Pennsylvania Drivers,

Please stay in PA.  There is really no reason for you to come to NJ.  If you want to go to NY, it would be nice if you could go through upstate.  I know it's much longer and extremely inconvenient for you, but you drive like shit, and I hate you.

This would make my morning commute so much better.

Thank you,

Me

P.I.T. wrote on Dec 10^th, 2009 at 8:27am:

Dear Wife, You rock my world. Rock it...(wait for it)...like a hurricane! Love, Your fellow partner in OCD, ADD, TV viewing habits

Dear Wife,

"Rock me like a furricane."

Also I need another us night soon.  Like whoa.

Love,
Your partner in loving everything that is awesome in life and the historian of your memories

PS- Sorry for accusing you of accidentally stealing my phone charger.  Turned out it just got stuck in the couch cushions after you unplugged.

Dear Gentlemen Book Shopper:
� � You totally made my day when you came in today and asked for Tea for Three.........I had to turn away really quickly so you would not see me giggle knowing that what you wanted was Three Cups of Tea. You were just as awesome as the guy that asked for the bibliography on Elvis, or the guy that asked for Maps.......ya know.....the kind with roads on them.
� �� To all of you I say thank you, because you make my job worth it.

A bookseller

Dear Life,

Give the "fair" thing a try.

Me, and Charlie Brown

Only In Las Vegas wrote on Jan 28^th, 2010 at 9:02pm:

Dear Gentlemen Book Shopper: � � You totally made my day when you came in today and asked for Tea for Three.........I had to turn away really quickly so you would not see me giggle knowing that what you wanted was Three Cups of Tea. You were just as awesome as the guy that asked for the bibliography on Elvis, or the guy that asked for Maps.......ya know.....the kind with roads on them. � �� To all of you I say thank you, because you make my job worth it. A bookseller

The "bibliography" on Elvis... oh gosh that is cute.  ;D

Deal No�l Coward,

Please un-die and come hang out with me, but not as a zombie...

Thanks,

MRC

MRC wrote on Jan 31^st, 2010 at 4:43pm:

Deal No�l Coward, Please un-die and come hang out with me, but not as a zombie... Thanks, MRC

Don't worry.  Coward isn't the zombie type.  He'd most likely show up as a ghost after a Madame Acarti holds a seance.

Dear Frank Galatolie:
      You are my hero. I don't know where I would be without you. You have been a life savor when I just needed something to chew on and some little perk to my life. I am so addicted to your stuff that I sometimes go scrounging for couch coins just so I can have some.
     Thank you for making my life easier.

Sincerly

An avid fan

Dear David Lock aka the Radio Voice of the Utah Jazz:

You suck.  Please call the game, don't spout out stat geek crap when you should be telling us what's going on.  Also, stop being in love with Carlos Boozer.

Signed,

Jazz Fans who don't have TV

Dear Hours of the Day,

Please find a way to multiply so we can get stuff done.

Sincerly,

Those of us behind schedule

Captain Malcolm Reynolds wrote on Feb 1^st, 2010 at 8:34pm:

Dear Hours of the Day, Please find a way to multiply so we can get stuff done. Sincerly, Those of us behind schedule

Dear behind schedule:
    
maybe if you didn't sit around listening to a dumb jazz game you would have time to do things.

Just saying

Sincerly, an observant by stander  :-*

MAMMOMEMO
Dear company letter-writers,

Pls spell "sincerely" correctly before this copy-editor loses her damn mind.� ;)

Thx,
Mgmt

/evil mean bitch

The Kaylee and the Ivy wrote on Feb 1^st, 2010 at 10:08pm:

MAMMOMEMO Dear company letter-writers, Pls spell "sincerely" correctly before this copy-editor loses her damn mind.� ;) Thx, Mgmt /evil mean bitch

Dear Copy-Editor,

Sincere apologies.

Sincerely,

We Idiots  :D

The Kaylee and the Ivy wrote on Feb 1^st, 2010 at 10:08pm:

MAMMOMEMO Dear company letter-writers, Pls spell "sincerely" correctly before this copy-editor loses her damn mind.� ;) Thx, Mgmt /evil mean bitch

Dear Copy Editor

Sincerly

Sinserely

Sinsearly

Sin-seerly

Sincearly

and of course

Sincerely!

(hope you know I am just kidding with you)

From

Your friend and member of Bad Spellers Anonymous

Dear department director:  Please PLEASE come out of your office before your appointment is 15 minutes behind.  Some of your students disturb me and I don't like the staring they do while they wait for you to come out of your stupid office.

Thank you.

PS:  If you are going to be 15 minutes late for EVERY SINGLE APPOINTMENT, then you probably shouldn't freak out that I'm only here 5 minutes early instead of 15. 

Dear people in general:

You don't have to comment on everything.  Sometimes, you can just read it/listen to it/watch it and say "huh, that was interesting" and move on with your lives.

FRANta Claus wrote on Feb 22^nd, 2010 at 12:19pm:

Dear people in general: You don't have to comment on everything.� Sometimes, you can just read it/listen to it/watch it and say "huh, that was interesting" and move on with your lives.

Huh. That was interesting.  ;)

Swami wrote on Feb 22^nd, 2010 at 11:09pm:

FRANta Claus wrote on Feb 22nd, 2010 at 12:19pm: Dear people in general: You don't have to comment on everything.� Sometimes, you can just read it/listen to it/watch it and say "huh, that was interesting" and move on with your lives. Huh. That was interesting.� ;)

Sheep.  You're all sheep.  Bah!

Dear Neighbor:
   Why the hell do you feel like you need to drive up and down our street with your speakers blaring? I don't need you to announce your presence every time you leave or come home, expecially when it is like 11 at night or 6 in the morning. Get a life and get a job instead of being the drug dealer that you are.....

Ok, I am done.

Only In Las Vegas wrote on Feb 28^th, 2010 at 6:55pm:

Dear Neighbor: � �Why the hell do you feel like you need to drive up and down our street with your speakers blaring? I don't need you to announce your presence every time you leave or come home, especially when it is like 11 at night or 6 in the morning. Get a life and get a job instead of being the drug dealer that you are..... Ok, I am done.

Are you upset at drug dealers or people who have their music loud when they drive up?  Because I'm one but not the other.

Mister Grinch wrote on Feb 28^th, 2010 at 7:05pm:

Only In Las Vegas wrote on Feb 28th, 2010 at 6:55pm: Dear Neighbor: � �Why the hell do you feel like you need to drive up and down our street with your speakers blaring? I don't need you to announce your presence every time you leave or come home, especially when it is like 11 at night or 6 in the morning. Get a life and get a job instead of being the drug dealer that you are..... Ok, I am done. Are you upset at drug dealers or people who have their music loud when they drive up?� Because I'm one but not the other.

Ummmm, it is about 50/50 honestly. My street use to have crack dealers and that was aweful until the cops came in a cleaned it up. Pot dealers I can deal with though. My neighbors are all hippies, vw busses and everything so not a big deal. But the driving up and down the streen with music blaring is really annoying. And with this certain neighbor, going door to door peddling your drug wares doesn't exactly fit well with me.

Does that even make sense?

Only In Las Vegas wrote on Mar 1^st, 2010 at 9:56am:

Mister Grinch wrote on Feb 28th, 2010 at 7:05pm: Only In Las Vegas wrote on Feb 28th, 2010 at 6:55pm: Dear Neighbor: � �Why the hell do you feel like you need to drive up and down our street with your speakers blaring? I don't need you to announce your presence every time you leave or come home, especially when it is like 11 at night or 6 in the morning. Get a life and get a job instead of being the drug dealer that you are..... Ok, I am done. Are you upset at drug dealers or people who have their music loud when they drive up?� Because I'm one but not the other. Ummmm, it is about 50/50 honestly. My street use to have crack dealers and that was aweful until the cops came in a cleaned it up. Pot dealers I can deal with though. My neighbors are all hippies, vw busses and everything so not a big deal. But the driving up and down the streen with music blaring is really annoying. And with this certain neighbor, going door to door peddling your drug wares doesn't exactly fit well with me. Does that even make sense?

What Awesome part of Utah do you live in??

I live down a dead end street off of 3300 south in slc. The drug dealer lives at the very end (can't stand them) but my neighbors on both sides of me and down a little are all hippies. In fact, I am looking out my window and can see about 8 busses just chilling, and 3 more busses that are being restored along with a beatle. Come by on St. Pattys day. It is always a blast.

Dear India,

Thank you for having the most awesome of all foods in the world, and for having restaurants that have GIANT servings so I can have left overs.  I appreciate it.

MRC

Dear Sadness,

Hello again.  You want me to clear you a dresser drawer or are you just going to move in altogether?

:(

Captain Malcolm Reynolds wrote on Mar 12^th, 2010 at 5:25pm:

Dear Sadness, Hello again.� You want me to clear you a dresser drawer or are you just going to move in altogether? :(

:'(

Dear Michael Bubl�,

First of all, you are delicious.

Second, where does one procure Sluck?  I'm pretty sure I can wait for the right timing, but I want to make sure I have Sluck for the other half of the equation.

Love,
Persistent

Dear whoever put that can of Coke Zero in the freezer and then left it to explode,

Please never do that again. You already observed that individual cans freeze a heckuvalot faster than twelve-packs; why did you leave the can to freeze? You knew i'd have to clean it up.
I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you either a) misjudged the time it would take to get cold or b) honestly just forgot it was there. But seriously... please don't do it again. Like, ever.

Sincerely,
your secretary

Dear Boss,
I'm sorry I assumed it was you.

Dear Real Culprit,
Seriously. If you do it again, I'll break your legs.
Love,
Secretary

Dear printer,

I don't know what happened between you and my computer.  I don't know if it was something the computer said, or did, or what.  You two seemed to be getting along so well, and all of the sudden you decided to start giving the silent treatment.  You two can work this out.  At least, I hope so.  Remember, when you two aren't talking to each other, it hurts others as well.

--Me

ps--I really do need to print out some working drawings for class tomorrow.  Not to threaten you or anything, but if you won't talk to my computer, there are other printers who will. 

Dear Aunt,

I returned from traveling in Spain and Morocco to read your email drivel.

I can't believe that you have traveled through the world and seen nearly every continent, yet have been unable to learn anything about cultures, government & economic systems, people and the complexities of life from your experiences.  What a waste of time and money for you.  You should have stayed in your own bed with your head under the covers.

-- Me

Dear world: 
1.  Throwing acid on a woman because she doesn't want to marry you is not indicative of a rich and glorious culture.

2.  "Unfriending" people from Facebook is a little weird.  Does that mean that if you saw them in real life you'd avoid them then, too?

3.  I'm a lot more colorblind than you assume I am, so stop with the assumption already.

Dear shoes:  You are purple and shiny, but you also remind me very much why I don't like cheap shoes.

Dear adulthood:  Sometimes you suck.

Dear parents who raised me:  You are awesome.  Always.

Dear weather:  I don't like Spring all that much, but it's not really your fault.  I chose to live here, so I won't complain.

Dear Pregnant Teen-
     Really? You thought you should come into my store and steal a copy of High Times? That is really truly classy. Glad to know you will be a fantastic mom. Hopefully your night in jail does you good.

Maybe next time steal something a little better for you and your well being......

what is the world coming to?

Yours Truly, a book seller

Dear Tron fans,
While I've never gotten the whole "Go to a movie in costume" thing, if it makes you happy, that's cool. But, if you're going in glow-in-the-dark costumes, you better be able to turn them off before the movie starts, because being a giant glowing cell phone screen in a darkened threater isn't cool, it's just annoying and inconsiderate.